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Six weeks in to this nightmare, and the Clusterfuck Administration is still monopolizing every news cycle.


But ladyhaters in the statehouses never sleep! So let's wrench our eyes away from President Clampett for a minute and catch up with our local dipshits, mmmmkay?

UTAH DIPSHITS

Last year, Utah passed the first bill mandating that anesthesia be administered to a fetus in any abortion performed after 20 weeks. Obstetricians largely agree that there is zero proof that a fetus can feel pain before the 28th week of pregnancy, but these legislative jackasses don't know a trimester from a tricycle. So a couple of guys who don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies invented a new medical procedure right there in the halls of the Utah Lege! OMG, so clever! BUTEXCEPT, Utah doctors were like WTF EVEN ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? FETAL ANESTHESIA IS NOT A THING!!!

Utah Gov. Gary Herbert said physicians should try to get directions from the attorney general's office if they don't understand how to follow the law.

Dan Burton, a spokesman for the attorney general's office, said that the office does not "specifically regulate doctors in Utah."

He suggested asking Utah's Department of Health, but the spokesman for that agency, Tom Hudachko, said it had no guidance for the doctors because the law "didn't task us with doing that."

At which point, most of the doctors seem to have gone back to giving sedatives to the patient like they always did, on the assumption that they'd have better luck discussing the placental barrier with a border collie. Border collies are SMART!

IOWA DIPSHITS

Senator Sizzler, COME ON DOWN!

Iowa state Senator Mark Chelgren (MD, JD, LCSW, JKLOLOL) offered a bill in January that would "make sure that women who are making a very difficult decision in their life have some recourse if they have mental health issues because of that decision."

Were you confused when you signed that consent, little lady? Did that mean doctor bully you into having an abortion, and now you feel sad? Don't you worry your pretty little head, sweetheart! Big Daddy Chelgren has a law that allows you to sue your doctor for emotional distress because she should have told you that abortion fordefinitelysure leads to depression, suicide and cancer. 

FUN FACT: Nuh uh, it totally doesn't.

This bill is currently still in committee. If passed, however, it threatens to expose doctors who provide abortion care to an entirely new tort action. Yay for small government!

INDIANA DIPSHITS

Forgive me for getting a little science-y here, but Indiana state Rep. Ron Bacon would like to enact some quackery in to law, and we need to set the record straight.

THERE IS NO ABORTION REVERSAL PILL! THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! DO NOT LET THESE PEOPLE NEAR YOUR VAGINA!

During the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, abortions are usually accomplished by taking two pills. The first, mifeprestone, blocks progesterone production, which terminates the pregnancy. The second pill, misoprostal, is taken 1-2 days later. It causes contractions which expel the fetus.

Readers of LifeSiteNews believe that women are always changing our minds, and a massive dose of progesterone will counteract the mifeprestone and magically un-abort us if we take that instead of the misoprostal, PROBABLY. (We're not linking to that shit. Google it if you want to have a rage stroke.)

Actual Factual Doctors know different.

Because medication abortion requires this combination of medications, many women will not abort just from using the first medication. In 30-50% of women who take mifepristone alone, the pregnancy will continue...

Progesterone, while generally well tolerated, can cause significant cardiovascular, nervous system and endocrine adverse reactions as well as other side effects.

So, to summarize: Indiana will mandate that doctors offer potentially harmful quack treatments to women, when doing nothing would have the same effect.

I CAN'T EVEN.

TEXAS DIPSHITS

Because any Ladyhaters Round Up has to include Texas! State Representative Brandon Creighton sponsored a bill to eliminate "wrongful life" as a cause of action.

Creighton and his cronies say that this bill tells the world that disabled kids are just as valuable as anyone else. Let's put aside the irony of the heartless bastards who rejected the Medicaid expansion hiding behind disabled kids. The practical effect of this bill would be to allow doctors to conceal relevant medical information if they feared it might lead their patients to choose abortion.

As CNN points out, this scenario is very real in Texas.

The issue of "wrongful birth" suits in Texas date to a 1975 case, Jacobs v. Theimer, decided by the state Supreme Court. Dortha Jean Jacobs contracted rubella during the first trimester of her pregnancy and "subsequently gave birth to a child whose major organs were defective," according to Justia law website.

She and her husband sued Dr. Louis M. Theimer, saying he failed to diagnose the rubella and failed to inform them of the long-term risks it posed to the fetus. By 1973, the family's medical bills totaled more than $21,000. The courts eventually sided with the family, awarding them "expenses reasonably necessary for the care and treatment of their child's physical impairment."

Yesterday, the Texas legislators came face-to-face with Rachel Tittle, a woman who failed to seek treatment because her doctor hid her baby's serious health condition.

"We would have gone to the ends of the Earth to give her a chance," Tittle said. "But this bill takes that chance away."

The bill, she said, could lead to "terrible unintended consequences that I believe all Texans, regardless of their politics, will find unacceptable."

"How do you picture it when a doctor decides to lie?" Tittle asked. "Would he smile in the ultrasound room and tell us everything was fine while he knew the baby's heart was struggling to beat? Would he reassure me when I called and said the kicks were coming less and less frequently -- that everything was fine?

Texans for Life and the Texas Catholic Conference of Bishops were unmoved. Because they are massive assholes.

ONE TO GROW ON

There's something about the authors of these bills. I just can't put my finger on it...

OH, RIGHT! It's a bunch of white guys who don't know dick about vaginas playing doctor in the statehouse.

Hey, Vagina Americans! Take your feet out of those metal stirrups and put your clothes back on! There are Republican legislators climbing up into your Ladybits! VOTE THOSE SUMBITCHES OUT OF THERE!!!

[Salt Lake Tribune / Rewire / Indystar / Snopes / CNN]

We promise never to grab your precious ladybits, even if you never donate. But you should totally donate!

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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