Hey Smart And Handsome President Trump, Have You Checked Out This Sexy Medicare For All?
Good morning, President Trump! You are looking well and rested, and like you have a very mighty penis today! Would the thing on your head like a treat? We have some head-thing treats right here, in this beautiful and very classy head-thing-treats crystal and platinum bowl!
We are so humbled that you were able to see us, a man such as yourself, with the good hair and thick dick. We hope to make it worth your while. Oh ho ho, not like with a blowjob 'n' stuff, we're sure you have many elegant people on retainer for that. No, we hope to make it worth your while with an IDEA, an idea about how to make you as universally beloved as a man with your wisdom and penile rigidity should be.
Mr. President Trump Milord and Also Chosen Beloved Sword Weapon of God (that one could also be about your schlong, should you so choose), we would like you to ponder on MEDICARE FOR ALL.
What's In It For You, Donald Trump?
Oh just EVERYTHING. You like history, and going down in it as a HERO instead of a VILLAIN? Oh, you don't care so much about that? Well, that makes it harder then.
Oh, oh, I know! You want to fuck Paul Ryan right in his nose holes? THIS WOULD DO IT. That snivelly, craven little shit HATES when people get health care. You don't hate when people get health care -- you don't care when people get health care! It's all the same to you whether people get health care or not, so might as well follow through on your campaign promise to "cover everybody" "for cheaper."
We know you aren't into policy, but THIS would DO THAT. Might as well let people believe you do what you say for a while longer, huh?
No Seriously, How Much Would It Fuck Ryan In His Nose Holes?
Well, Mr. President, if you've never had an accidental neti pot full of jizz, we are here to tell you, HE WILL NOT LIKE IT even ONE LITTLE BIT!
Also It Would Piss Off Some Hillary People, You Like That? Huh? You Like?
Senator Bernie Sanders is planning to introduce "Medicare For All" in the Senate sometime in the next couple of weeks. So you know what (some) Hillary people on Twitter are doing? COMPLAINING. They are like "look at that showboat, doing his showboating, by introducing a bill for a thing that WE ALL LIKE." Man, fucking Democrats, right? Like TAKE YES FOR AN ANSWER.
What we don't get is why Sanders's Vermont colleague Peter Welch is also planning to introduce Medicare For All in the US House of Representatives, when Rep. John Conyers already has a Medicare For All bill in the House, as he has every term since the birth of Christ, and it's a really good one. Did Sanders and Welch not know it's there? I feel like they should know it's there. And if they did know it's there, they are maybe being kind of grabby. I don't know, Welch's press person has not gotten back to me.
But You Hate The Democrats And This Would Give Them A Win
Do you though? Do you really hate the Democrats? I mean, I know you say hilarious stuff about how Paul Ryan's complete failure to repeal the thing he's been promising for seven years to repeal isn't Paul Ryan's fault, and isn't the House Freedom Caucus's fault, and you don't even have to SAY it's not your fault because that is just a given -- after 20 days of legislative push, you really left everything on the field! But have you tried ... NOT hating the Democrats? I mean, they're not the ones who humiliated you in your very first legislation, one that you said was real important to you, and a real good bill you definitely stood by! That was the Freedom Caucus, telling you YOU AIN'T THEIR REAL DAD! Like, they literally said fuck you old man, like they were 18 again and you were the old guys who GOT DANCED ON in FOOTLOOSE!
The Democrats on the other hand -- yeah, it's their "fault." And they're happy to take the blame, because literally nobody liked the bill to repeal Obamacare and replace it with cartoon bags full of money for like five guys. So yes, please keep blaming them, totally keep it up, thank you, (signed) Chuck Schumer and Nancy P-lo.
You Could Maybe Actually Fuck The Democrats Anyway?
You know how you do not like 11th Dimensional Chess because you have to pay attention to so many things? Well, take Steve Bannon's word for it, this would do many upheavals among the Dems, some of whom will be like "you wanna give us Medicare for All, oh beneficent one? SOLD!" and others of whom will be like "are you fucking kidding me, you're gonna give a win to this bald, weak-dicked Gollum?" You know what? Fuck em. Doesn't matter. Just like the few conservative Democrats who screwed Obama on the public option, etc, because they were afraid of losing their seats: THIS is what they were sent to Congress to make happen. If every Democrat lost his seat after passing Medicare for All with you, it would be worth one million "tax reforms" or whatever misbegotten shit pile you're coming up with there.
Hey What Is That Tax Reform Thing Gonna Be Anyway?
Never mind, I'm sure you don't know either. I'll look into it and get back to you.
Okay, Love You, Your Dick Looks Awesome, See You Soon!
Cuddly! And awesome! A real good dick!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.