Hi Have You Put GOOD Into The World Today, And By Good We Mean Money And By World We Mean Wonkette!
Hi it's me, your Editrix, whom you love and adore and wish only good things for, popping in to yell HELP HER, HELP THE BOMBARDIER, except I am not a bombardier I am a leftist news website proprietress, and I got SALARIES TO PAY.
You love Dok, who does all your policy and terrible puns, and SER who tells you what's up in political races and culture, and Evan who's just disgusting and mean and you love that for him, and Robyn who's on the abortions and wackjobs and white nationalists and musical theater beats, and Liz who explains law and government at you so you could understand them (and also is mean). You love Michael who watches the Sunday shows and Hooper who gives you 47 steps for each Happy Hour cocktail (step one, mill your grain), and Martini who makes you art EVERY DAY, and you love ME.
You love us because we are ad-free and investor-free and paywall-free and the only thing you have to do to not pay up to read the news we bring you on the World's Last Website is ignore my screeching for money just once a month and at the end of every post!
Well, you have been ignoring it very well, probably because when I don't say AIYYEEE HALP HALP WONKETTE IS GOING TO DIIIIIIE, then you have other priorities, like "shelter" and "food"! And Wonkette is not going to DIIIIIIIE this month, but it has been three months since I've paid my husband or me. (We sold a house! We bought a house! There was money left over between those two things! It didn't seem CLASSY to scream AIYEEEEE HALP when we have a 95-year-old terra cotta tile — mansard? hip gable? — roof over our heads! But now, you know, give us money.)
Many of you lately have canceled your subscriptions and that is FINE and I LOVE YOU ALWAYS and don't be scared to email me and say "REBECCA CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION." But if the 863,000 of you (really!) who read Wonkette last month and didn't send us money sent us some money, then the 4,000-ish of you who have been sending money this whole time would not have to bear the entire burden of keeping this mommyblog and recipe hub going forever.
Also I am three months behind, I think, on thank you notes, and much much much much much longer than that if you sent me a check in the mail (which you can send to Wonkette, PO Box 38273, Detroit MI 48238!), and I am sorry, please forgive me, shit's been HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN ALL THE SHIT LATELY.
So do that okay? If you are able?
LOVE YOU FOREVER and also OPEN THREAD.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.