Hi! How About All Y'all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

Hi! How About All Y'all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

Hi, it's me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly?

Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry.

NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our pals at LittleGreenFootballs. They have popups that when you close them pop up another popup! Do I do that to you? I DO NOT. (I don't think.)

Here is a secret, which I will tell you because I am not good at "secrets." This mommyblog actually takes about $18,000 a month to run.

WHAT? AM I KIDDING YOU? No I am not kidding you.

(Okay, that includes Happy.)

And you, the loving, beneficent, charitable, generous Wonker, give us several thousand dollars a month to help out. You guys, that is so awesome. Thank you dearly. It actually averages out to almost 50 thousand dollars a year, which pays for Dok and ... it pays for Dok. What would I do without Dok? I WOULD DIE, THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO. Thank you for buying me Dok you guys. I love you.

You wanna know something else? That $18 thousand per month does not actually include any salary for me! Whoa, right? Maybe I should redo the math. Nope! Definitely $18 thousand a month! Holy fuckballs!

This means, unless I want to charge you all some kind of dumb bullshit paywall (which would be dumb, and bullshit), I have to sell ads.

So many, many ads. So many ugly, bullshit ads. A lot of the time (hopefully even most of the time, hahaha just kidding, these ads are so terrible) there's a little "x" on the ad that will help you close it out. Just FYI. Some of them (many of them) autoplay when they are NOT SUPPOSED TO AUTOPLAY. Some of them (many of them) freeze the fuck out of your browser. Or maybe it is that spot.im thingie, which is not an ad, it is a toy I got, for you, because I love you. Or maybe it is ... something else? WHO KNOWS I AM NOT THE QUEEN OF I.T.

That is why I have hired your comrade Shypixel, to fix shit. I thought I could get by on seven hours a month or so from a guy by the hour (hey hey!) but it turns out that is not actually feasible for running a website with eight million javascripties in it swarming all over each other like worms. JAVASCRIPT WORMS. So Shypixel it is. Yell at him now please. (Don't yell at him either.)

Maybe, after Shy does the redesign -- DON'T WORRY, YOU'll HATE IT -- he can work on making an ad-free version for subscribers, OR MAYBE NOT. Until then, kindly pony the fuck up and shut your goddamn faceholes. Remember, you cannot be president of the United States if you don’t have faith. Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can’t be. And we are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for — don’t cry for me, Argentina. Message: I care.

I love you and hope you love me.

Rebecca Schoenkopf,


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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