- We uncovered New Mexico's nefarious Babies-for-votes scandal.
- Choking, strangling, and voting machinicide -- America, you so crazee!
- Our midterm drinking game was a huge success, if everyone's hangover this morning is any indication.
- A plucky squirrel stole the nation's hearts, votes.
- We'll miss you, Kitty.
- We also lost the strangler and, uh, the other strangler.
- We weren't the only drunk ones reporting made-up results.
- Our drunk lies were pretty accurate, though, all things considered.
- We sensed a great disturbance in The Corner.
- What the fuck were we doing there?
