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Hillary Decides: Obama's Cabinet Or Debtor's Prison?

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For veritabledays we have been racking our brains, trying to figure out why Hillary Clinton would be interested in a Secretary of State position. It ain't exactly a stepping stone to the presidency, and in her beloved Senate she can be her own boss and work on all those domestic things she loves so much, like imposing a Canadian-Marxist healthcare regime on America. Well, now we have the answer! What might motivate Hillary Clinton now is the thing that has always motivated the Clintons: money. (And the desire to serve, of course! And cracklins.)


Hillary Clinton still owes approx. eleventy billion dollars to her campaign vendors, including over $5 million to the obese incompetent swamp sow Mark Penn. As a normal politician she would be obligated to repay those campaign debts, someday, through fundraising and other efforts.

However, as a Fancy Diplomat, she would be obliged to avoid filthy partisan entanglements and would not even be allowed to do any fundraising. Problem solved! She could plausibly tell the Federal Election Commission, "Sorry, now that I am a diplomatic servant of America, I am like as unto a pauper," and Mark Penn would just have to suck it up.

Hillary Clinton is a terrible cheapskate.

State: HRC’s ticket to debt forgiveness? [Politico]

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Martha McSally is worried. Everything was coming up Martha when Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey picked her to fill the late John McCain's Senate seat. But now the junior senator has to hold that seat in 2020, and actual elections are where she has her troubles. Kyrsten Sinema, she of the fierce wardrobe, defeated McSally last year when they were running against each other for Jeff Flake's old seat. Arizona hadn't elected a Democratic senator since 1988.

McSally's likely challenger next year is Mark Kelly, who's a goddamn astronaut. We appreciate her service as an Air Force pilot but really, Kelly's been in space, where the Klingons are. Kelly's identical twin is also an astronaut. McSally has four siblings and none of them are astronauts or even her twin. She can't win this.

Besides, this is Kelly's campaign announcement video. When his awesome wife, Gabby Giffords, shows up, we just lose it. Why are we even bothering with an election?

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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