Hillary To Dominate Dealbreaking Rhode Island Primary

Lest we get overly concerned with the Texas and Ohio firewall primaries on March 4, the real contest that day is up in heathen Rhode Island, where Hillary spent her Sunday! She donned a yellow sweater that bore the name of that very same state. But what is her plan to win that state? Let's see if we can determine it through this batch of revealing AP photos.

In the lead photo, she's trying to show the several young people in Rhode Island that she is "fired up and ready to go" too -- straight to Rhode Island's lovely seashores, where she might mingle with the very experienced longshoremen. They may catch the various sea creatures with nets, but will they have a safety net when retirement looms?

Uh oh, it appears there are several Rhode Island schoolchildren without health care mandates hiding in the bus' stowaway cabins. They have such little health care mandates that they cannot hear either, so Hillary has to shout to get their attention. "AS FIRST LADY I'VE VISITED RHODE ISLAND AND ITS MANY NEIGHBORHOODS OVER 80 TIMES," Hillary shouts. "THAT'S CHANGE YOU CAN'T XEROX."

Boy, does Hillary sure feel stupid now. Those weren't Rhode Island schoolchildren without health care mandates at all -- that was Jesse Jackson hiding up there, smoking crack, and bragging about how he's an inspirational speaker and has won the meaningless state South Carolina twice. Hillary's embarrassed beyond belief that she would confuse this for something that actually mattered -- like Rhode Island's very delicious saltwater taffy!

That sure is ridiculous, she says, that the Wisconsin or South Carolina College basketball team would try and defeat the important Rhode Island College basketball team in a sporting match. Between you and me, there's a decent constitutional case to be made that South Carolina and Wisconsin aren't even states to begin with, but caliphates. Barack Obama denies this, and we'll let him try to explain that one. In the mean time, it's time for Hillary to be hittin' the Rhode out of this Island. Too much "New," not enough "England" for Barack Obama, as they say.

AP Photos


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