Phucking Phanatic!Well, that happened just like pretty much everybody said it would happen, and Hillary's once-proud 20% lead is down to a more "manageable" 9%, at the moment, for Mr. Hopeful Obama. As our Jim Newell and Liz Glover roam Hillary's headquarters looking for either "victory sex" or at least free drinks -- or, at the very least, a functional wireless signal from the lady who wants to run the world -- let's keep track of the blather on cable news and the Internets. More importantly, let's keep drinking and leaving weird comments.

  • 10:00 PM -- Chuck Todd's going to break it down for us, hooray!
  • 10:01 PM -- Barack's just getting 60% in Philly, but he was supposed to get 70% to kill Hillary.
  • 10:02 PM -- Okay, so all these big fancy suburban counties have not yet delivered their totals, because they're so elite.
  • 10:03 PM -- Ha ha, Keith Olbermann is insulting Chuck Todd by saying he "sounds just like a weatherman." But you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, motherfuckers.
  • 10:05 PM -- Howard Fineman is now spinning weird sex fantasies about the "city women in Pittsburgh" and "their cousins in the country."
  • 10:06 PM -- But Barack is still taking all the fancy arugula-eating suburban rich folks. And those people actually run the country.
  • 10:09 PM -- A few hours ago, Chris Matthews was sputtering about how she's got to drop out, she is insane, blah blah. Nothing has changed -- she's winning at the reduced-expectations level just as everybody said, a few hours ago -- but now Matthews is on this insane rant about she's a "Scranton Homegirl" (?) or something, so middle-class and awesome.
  • 10:14 PM -- Here comes Hillary! She's on the stage in Philly! She's up TEN POINTS at this point, which is half of what she should've won by, but double than she was expected to win by, today. Crazy!
  • 10:15 PM -- It's a good night. She allowed Bill onstage.
  • 10:17 PM -- "You listened, and today you chose."
  • 10:17 PM -- Hill's makeup does look very nice tonight.
  • 10:17 PM -- Ha ha, they are doing the "Yes She Will!" chant, which is stolen from the black man.
  • 10:18 PM -- So much for Hillary dropping out, ever.
  • 10:19 PM -- It's another speech about how fucking awesome Hillary Clinton is, and how you are all losers who need her.
  • 10:20 PM -- They are cheering because they know they need HER and only SHE can help THEM.
  • 10:20 PM -- Ha ha, she just described her constituency: "Women in their 90s who remember when they couldn't vote." Is that true? I'm pretty sure nobody is alive who remembers when they couldn't vote, because they would have to be 88 years old plus 18 years old which is 106 years old. Hillary lies.
  • 10:21 PM -- "Give me your money."
  • 10:23 PM -- Now she's just repeating the "my opponent outspent me two-to-one," etc.
  • 10:24 PM -- Ha ha, her campaign is "all about" solving problems, while Obama's campaign is only about talking about being president, which is ... very different!
  • 10:27 PM -- She's at least twice as black as Barack Obama!
  • 10:31 PM -- And she finishes with a classy "Yes We Will."
  • 10:32 PM -- Chris Matthews loves Hillary so much again, now.
  • 10:33 PM -- And now she's down to an 8% lead.
  • 10:33 PM -- Olbermann notes that the whole speech was Hillary "mocking" Barack and stealing his catch phrases and shows nothing resembling grace. Chris Matthews says it's okay because it's her role in life to be president and Barack is just in her way.
  • 10:37 PM -- Ha ha, Ron Paul is winning a county in Pennsylvania: Armstrong County! He is beating that old McCain 524 to 113 votes. GO RON PAUL!
  • 10:38 PM -- Ha ha, the AP story that will be in the papers tomorrow will say that it sort of looks like she'll win PA but Time & Money are running out. So the old people who still get newspapers are going to wake up to that.
  • 10:38 PM -- Okay, we will get a new Live Blog ready for Saddy McHopeful's speech.
  • 10:50 PM -- Over here, buddies!

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