foreign policy

Mike Pence Lies About Soleimani, 9/11 in Plain Sight Of Mother, Bible, Half-Eaten Apple Pie

The vice president shows off more of his vices.

Have we mentioned lately that Mike Pence is a lying weasel? The vice president tried to plant the bloody glove of 9/11 on Iranian General Qasem Soleimani. Pence claimed in a tweet Friday that Soleimani, who the US killed good and dead, "assisted in the clandestine travel to Afghanistan of 10 of the 12 terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the United States." These are all lies. But the New York Times reacted as if he just flubbed an answer on his early 21st century history midterm.

Sigh.New York Times

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President War Crimer Spends Weekend Cyberbullying Iran On Twitter

Classic #BeBesting!

Hillary Clinton warned us all that an unstable reality TV host would make a piss-poor commander-in-chief of the world's most powerful military. Unfortunately, she shrunk the testicles of insecure men in the rust belt, so here we are. Donald Trump, flush from killing Iranian General Qasem Soleimani, tweeted threats at Iran yesterday like a drunk-dialing Dr. Evil. Duck and cover, y'all.

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Other Than That, Rod Blagojevich, How Did You Like Trump's Impeachment?

Pardon me?

Like a seat in the US Senate, a presidential pardon is a fucking valuable thing. You just don't give it away for nothing.

Rod Blagojevich -- do you remember? -- is back, this time with an op-ed that compares both himself and President Pussygrabber to none other than Abraham Lincoln. In a piece for right-wing propaganda outlet Newsmax, titled "House Democrats Would Have Impeached Lincoln."

And, honestly ... it's amazing.

The man who was impeached and sent to prison for public corruption after trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat apparently has a lot to say about impeachment and public corruption. Some of it is a desperate attempt for a pardon from President Extortion. And the rest of it is a simultaneously sad and hilarious attempt to liken himself and Trump to Abraham Lincoln.

The piece is appropriately batshit and hits all of Trump's favorite nonsensical talking points. From invoking Queen Nancy as the bad guy ...

Recently I've wondered what would have happened had Nancy Pelosi been the Speaker of the House when Abraham Lincoln was president.

... to falling in line with the GOP pig manure about how today's Democrats are bad because Democrats in the 1860s were bad ...

In fact, at the time Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, the Democrats of that day opposed it.

... and the false claim that impeachment is the same as undoing an election.

And the worst part of it is, that should this happen, those politicians are taking from the people their right to choose their own leaders though free elections.

Buckle up, kids. This is going to be a bumpy -- and hilarious! -- ride.

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White Nonsense

Look At This F*cking Hitler

Oh you can't, she got fired from 'cultural diversity trainer.'

Ding dong, the Nazis are gone.

Last month, a photo depicting 31 graduating West Virginia corrections officers doing a Nazi salute, with the caption "Hail Byrd" for one of the students' instructors, became public. Now, all of the cadets, the instructor they were saluting, and two other staffers from the Corrections Academy have been fired. Four additional instructors who saw the photograph and failed to report it to their superiors have been suspended with pay. And the Anti-Defamation League has been asked to help prepare Holocaust education for future Corrections Academy courses.

SHOCKINGLY, an investigation confirms exactly what we all expected it to.

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Culture Wars

Dennis Prager Will Not Be Bullied By Anne Frank

People aren't 'basically good' and teenagers are stupid.

Rightwing intellectual Dennis Prager, the Family Values guy who explained child hunger is OK because free school breakfasts "weaken the parent-child bond," recently took on another pernicious corrupter of the world's morals: Anne Frank. The teen diarist, who died of typhus in Bergen-Belsen in 1945, was absolutely wrong when she wrote "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Oh yeah? Dennis Prager, like any good Puritan, knows that human nature is essentially corrupt and sinful, which is why the Nazis persecuted Anne Frank and her family in the first place. And to rein in sinful human nature, we need strong authority figures who'll enforce God's laws and preserve us from chaos.

Prager summarized that a bit more succinctly, though, explaining Anne Frank didn't understand basic morality because she was a "secular Jew," and besides, "I don't get my wisdom from teenagers."

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That's Not What She Said

Joe Biden Didn't Say That

Beware of misleading social media videos from guys named Vlad.

During the 2016 election, Russian trolls targeted a lot of misinformation at black voters. A common theme was that because Hillary Clinton said "super predators" once, she was just as racist -- if not more! -- than Donald Trump, who'd been Donald Trump his whole life. Russia and the Trump campaign had an eerily aligned goal -- suppress turnout among black voters. Trump and Republicans in general don't need black people to vote for them. They're fine if we don't vote at all, either because our closest polling place is on Mars (thanks, Chief Justice Roberts!) or we think Hillary was a Goldwater Girl klansman with a Confederate flag in her hippie dorm room.

The usual suspects are pulling the same scam with Joe Biden. Uncle Joe has his problems. We've written about them and will continue doing so during his likely presidency. However, whatever racial or gender blindspots he might have doesn't make him Donald Trump, who's what appears in the Oval Office if you say "racist!" three times in a mirror. Early this week, the Twitter account "@mooncult" posted some clips from a Biden speech that were deceptively edited to make him look terrible. Here's the one that made the most rounds on the Twitter-mobile.

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Rep. John Lewis: All Respect

Keep getting in 'good trouble,' sir.

2019 got one final kick in Sunday with the news that Rep. John Lewis has Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This disease is the same one that killed Patrick Swayze, Aretha Franklin, Bill Hicks, Alan Rickman, Sally Ride, Michael Landon, Count Basie, Donna Reed and too many others. Pancreatic cancer is brutal, aggressive, and its prognosis is grim: The average patient lives just a year. However, Lewis responded publicly to the craptastic diagnosis with his usual grace and inspirational outlook.

LEWIS: While I am clear-eyed about the prognosis, doctors have told me that recent medical advances have made this type of cancer treatable in many cases, that treatment options are no longer as debilitating as they once were, and that I have a fighting chance.

So I have decided to do what I know to do and do what I have always done: I am going to fight it and keep fighting for the Beloved Community. We still have many bridges to cross.

Lewis famously crossed Selma, Alabama's Edmund Pettus Bridge in 1965 as part of a peaceful march for voting rights. The armed police officers standing in their way didn't receive the "peaceful march" memo. They viciously beat hundreds of civil rights activists on what would become known as Bloody Sunday. Lewis himself suffered a fractured skull because of his aggravated pedestrian offenses. He continually put his body on the line in the fight for the freedoms black people enjoy today. He was an original Freedom Rider, and segregationists attacked him for daring to sit in seats "reserved" for white people. He helped organize the March on Washington in 1963. He was arrested more than 40 times during the civil rights era. Lewis firmly believes that when confronting injustice, you should "find a way to get in the way."

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Trump Mourns Loss Of Single Greatest Achievement: His 'Home Alone 2' Cameo

It's not a wonderful life for the impeached president.

Impeached President Donald Trump was probably home alone for Christmas again. He ignored the attempts three spirits made to save his soul and instead reflected on past glories. There is none greater than his brief cameo in 1992's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. The Home Alone sequel was about as necessary and beneficial to humanity as the first one. It's the Eric Trump of movies.

Trump, who is still the president ... of America ... got real mad on Twitter yesterday when he discovered that his breakout performance was cut from a Canadian broadcast of the film.

He doesn't mean Justin Timberlake. The commander in chief is referring to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The scene, which is neither funny nor plot relevant, was cut in 2014 to make room for commercials. Canada's prime ministers are usually sane so they wouldn't demand that someone was edited from a feature film out of political spite. Trump was also just a reality TV star and Birther crank in 2014. Oh, and Trudeau himself didn't take office until 2015. How hard is it to check this?

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Oh No Dok Got Huckablocked!

No more 'access journalism' for this guy!

Former Arkansas Gov. and failed presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is celebrating Sacred Baby Festival with some duck hunting, and he happens to know what Heaven will be like: a lot of killing animals, plus shout-outs to a favorite brand of firearms!

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For The Billionth Time, Mitch McConnell's The Bad Guy Not Harry Reid

How many times do we have to tell you people?

We periodically have to remind people that Mitch McConnell is evil. He was born this way, and there's nothing specific Democrats could've done to make his heart grow three sizes on Christmas Eve. A popular urban legend is that Harry Reid nuking the filibuster in 2013 paved the way for Mitch McConnell to pack the courts with right-wing hacks. Journalist Julia Ioffe tweeted the following yesterday:

This is not a great take. Yeah, it sucks that an illegitimate. impeached president will leave a mark on the federal judiciary that won't go away any time soon. But it's not Harry Reid's fault. We've been through this. Reid wasn't the first Senate majority leader to threaten nuking the filibuster. Republican Bill Frist threatened to do so in 2005, and Reid negotiated to save the filibuster. It just cost us a few right-wing extremists on the court. Cut to 2013 and the GOP minority had blocked three of Barack Obama's judicial picks in a row with no deal in sight when Reid finally said enough was enough. Yr. Wonkette confesses that we thought he wouldn't have the nerve. "They started it!" is an annoying argument that blames Reid for McConnell's perfidy. McConnell could've restored the filibuster but he didn't want Donald Trump to face the same obstruction Obama had. McConnell once claimed that if Americans wanted Obama to pick judges or staff they would've given him a Senate supermajority -- you know, again. He's fine with completely different rules for Trump, whose judicial picks have mostly skirted through with bare majorities.

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WONKETTE LISTICLE: What Is Impeachment Like, According To Dumb GOP Idiots?

It's like a witch trial crucifying Jesus at Pearl Harbor, is what it's like. And maybe 9/11, we dunno.

Hey, kids, welcome to the Simile Workshop! Today, we'll be discussing what the impeachment of Donald Trump is like. The nice Republicans in Congress have some very interesting analogies for this here constitutional process, and they are every bit as good as all the things they found to compare Barack Obama to, although mostly that was Hitler. And also sometimes the unfortunate prewar British prime minister, Neville Longbottom-Chamberlain.

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Ken Starr Declares Trump's Impeachment Invalid, And He Would Know

This guy's fuller of shit than a Porta-Potty.

Last night was Impeachment Eve, and Ken Starr turned up on Tucker Carlson's show to share his expertise on sham impeachments. Starr informed us that the framers of the Constitution were "very, very concerned" about partisan impeachments. Removing a corrupt president from office requires true "consensus." This is rich coming from Starr, who personally led a partisan impeachment against Bill Clinton that had no "consensus" other than the five House Democrats who took a bold stand against fellatio-related felonies.

STARR: This is precisely what [the framers] did fear... We are doing what Mr. Madison warned against. We always talk about Hamilton and 65, Federalist 65, and rightly so.

Federalist 65 argued for the Senate instead of the Supreme Court as the preferred venue to consider impeachment charges because they involve "the misconduct of public men, or, in other words, from the abuse or violation of some public trust." It's inherently a political -- dare we say, partisan? -- matter. Maybe Starr just hasn't gotten around to seeing Hamilton.

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WE'RE DOING THIS. Your Impeachment Day Liveblog!

You know, unless they drag this into tomorrow!

All right, kids, today is a day you are allowed to put adult liquors in your coffee, because we are going to be a while. The vote to impeach Donald Trump will happen in the House of Representatives today, or maybe tonight, or possibly tomorrow, depending on how long Republicans use stupid parliamentary procedures to drag it out, and depending on how much non-parliamentary pizza Matt Gaetz orders to distract from the proceedings.

As we understand it, there will be six hours of debate, and then a vote. Theoretically. LOL.

In this thread, we will bring you updates from the debates, and also just funny cat videos we find on the internet, and also maybe occasionally analysis, like as if LOL.

We will say, though, that with all the Republican senators telegraphing and emailing and screaming out loud that they plan to violate the oath they will take to be impartial jurors, we are fully in support of the growing chorus suggesting that today the House should impeach, and then Nancy Pelosi should hold on to the impeachment articles -- she doesn't have to just hand them over! -- until it is guaranteed that Donald Trump get a real trial in the Senate. Here's a link where Democratic Senator Chris Van Hollen talks about it, and here's Charlie Sykes talking about how it would work.

Whatever happens, welcome to the worst day of Donald Trump's presidency, perhaps his life -- so far.

And they say there are no Christmas miracles!

This is only the third time this has happened in America, so we're makin' history today. (Nixon was not impeached.)

Here's a livestream of the proceedings.

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History Facts

Erdogan Threatens To Recognize US Genocide Of Native Americans, Oh No, Not THE TRUTH!1!

Don't threaten us with a great idea!

In a truly mind-boggling statement, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has threatened to retaliate against a congressional resolution condemning the Ottoman Empire's historic genocide of over a million Armenians by having Turkey's parliament condemn the US's own genocidal campaign against Native Americans. Apparently Erdogan thinks the US is as deeply invested in denying its history as his government is in downplaying his own country's past sins. Dude must be watching too much Fox News.

Speaking on a pro-government Turkish TV channel, Erdogan said,

We should oppose [the US] by reciprocating such decisions in parliament. And that is what we will do [...]

Can we speak about America without mentioning [Native Americans]? It is a shameful moment in US history.

Well, guess that would show us! Maybe Erdogan could bring it up when he's on the phone with his buddy Donald Trump, so he can point out it's racist to call Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas."

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Trumpers Remember Armenian Genocide With Solemn Screams, Fisticuffs At Adam Schiff Event

Remember, Democrats are tearing this country apart.

A group of Donald Trump supporters violently disrupted an event focused on victims of the Armenian genocide Saturday, holding up signs reading "Don't Impeach," trying to shout down Rep. Adam Schiff, then getting into scuffles with others at the event. But they had to, because Schiff is trying to overthrow the government and make Mike Pence president.

Here's some video; Schiff barely gets started before Trumpers scattered strategically in the audience start shouting "LIAR!" and then things generally go nuts.

Things got crazy at Adam Schiff's town hall meeting tonight!

Mediaite adds,

One man with a shaved head repeatedly shouted "You will be going to jail for treason!" and was called a "fucking asshole" as he was being escorted out.

Another protester said that Schiff will "hang" as she was escorted out of the event.

Why are Democrats so insistent on encouraging violence?

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Post-Racial America

Nikki Haley Keeps Digging Confederate-Flag-Shaped Hole For Her Dignity

Haley's self-respect shall never rise again!

Former South Carolina governor and current Donald Trump stooge Nikki Haley questioned in a Washington Post op-ed yesterday whether we could've removed the Confederate flag from the statehouse in today's political climate. This isn't because the president is a racist who has empowered racists. No, Haley specifically says the "reason is not the upsurge in white nationalism," which she considers a "disturbing trend that must be resisted." That's a pretty weak condemnation. It's like she's pooh-poohing all the live-action remakes of classic Disney cartoons.

Haley believes "media hysteria" is to blame for why apparently South Carolina's leaders would now choose to keep up a racist flag after a white supremacist murdered black churchgoers at Mother Emanuel. We just couldn't pause today and have the "thoughtful and prayerful dialogue" we had following the murders. Haley doesn't mention the name Barack Obama, who was president at the time and brought down the house during his moving eulogy for church pastor Clementa Pinckney. We lived through Charlottesville so we have depressing precedent for how Trump might've handled the tragedy.

We just talked about how Tom Nichols blamed liberals for why Republicans refuse to hold Trump accountable. Haley makes a similar, baseless argument. "Outrage" culture would make the "good" conservatives less likely to do the right thing and more likely to support Confederate apologists. Will you just look at what we made conservatives do with our liberal insistence on acknowledging history? This is a chilling sentiment when the president runs concentration camps. It feels like Haley and other "good" conservatives are shaking us down for "protection." All they ask in return is our silence and submission.

Haley's op-ed that the Post ran for reasons is filled with the same historically illiterate garbage about the Confederate flag that she offered up last week on Glenn Beck's show. Haley subjects us to more Lost Cause bullshit and the moral relativism of owning people.

HALEY: In South Carolina, as in much of the South, the Confederate flag has long been a hot-button issue. Everyone knows the flag has always been a symbol of slavery, discrimination and hate for many people. But not everyone sees the flag that way. That's hard for non-Southerners to understand, but it's a fact.

Southern racists have used this rhetoric for generations. During the height of Jim Crow, they often claimed it was only Jews "outside agitators" who were making a big fuss about the ongoing oppression of black people. Nice, polite black folks loved riding in the back of the bus. That's where all the heat was.

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