Hmmm Should We Try To Win These Special Congressional Elections, Or Just Fuck It?
Hey, remember when we had that big election we won by three million votes, but Republicans get a three million vote head start in our country, because that is the only way things can be fair? (Also, better make sure Wyoming gets one senator for each citizen because something something "minority rights" but LOL not like minority minorities, can you even imagine???)
And then remember we were so sad about it we didn't even lift a finger to help a guy running for Senate in Louisiana, even though if he'd won we could have felt a tiny bit better? And then he didn't win, which was just as well because these anti-depressants weren't going to OD on themselves?
And remember how we have a bunch of special elections RIGHT FUCKING NOW to carve a little piece out of Republicans' fairly historic House margin? And remember that we are not depressed anymore because we got on our FIGHTIN SHOES????
Yes, you are nodding wisely, I DO remember! I am wearing fightin shoes RIGHT NOW they are cute lil ballet flats because I am a homogay.
Well forget about your shoes and go find your wallets, because today we are fighting WITH MONEY.
(The GOP spent one MILLION dollars to call Ossoff a nerd in that video. Cool story bro!)
Number one, you've got Mr. Jon Ossoff, that nice young man in Georgia running in a real red district. Do you care that his district is red? Then you forgot to listen to HOWARD DEAN and his FIFTY STATE STRATEGY, which, science fact, is the last time people weren't complaining about Democrats losing so many seats!
Ossoff is running for the seat vacated by a veritable Debbil, Tom Price, who left Congress to, per the executive order President Donald Trump signed, "exercise all authority and discretion available to them to waive, defer, grant exemptions from, or delay the implementation of any provision or requirement of the Act that would impose a fiscal burden on any State or a cost, fee, tax, penalty, or regulatory burden on individuals, families, healthcare providers, health insurers, patients, recipients of healthcare services, purchasers of health insurance, or makers of medical devices, products, or medications."
In Wonkerese? Price was executive ordered to RATFUCK OUR OBAMACARE and SHIT ON ITS FACE.
Let's replace him in Congress with this handsome nerd!
Ossoff's polling nicely in the Georgia 6th, but it's a jungle primary and there Can Be Only One, or say another nerd quote here.
THIS OTHER GUY!
Who's this very short man standing next to your editrix and also the boss of you, Donna Rose? WE TRICKED YOU, THAT GUY IS SITTING DOWN! Rob Quist, running for Montana's sole Congressional seat, recently vacated by Master and Commander Grifter (and new Interior secretary) Ryan Zinke, is actually about 19 feet tall, and also? That dude is 69. (Nice.)
Was he nice? HE WAS! But somebody needs to teach him about that thing you do where you are talking to somebody and other people cluster around to also meet you and say hello and you DON'T IGNORE THEM but rather SAY HELLO AND ACKNOWLEDGE THEM before continuing with your initial conferee. Because we weren't the only people who finally skittered away in embarrassment after like 10 minutes of standing there. It's easy! Just look at them and smile so they know you know they're FUCKING STANDING RIGHT THERE!
Does that matter in the grand scheme of things? No, but only because we're predisposed to think he's swell (and we succeeded when we tried to say hi the second time, and he was fun fun and also nice). But Liev Schreiber did that to us once (who?) and we've had a hate on for him ever since.
One fun thing about Quist's race for Montana's House seat is that the Republicans keep putting up Greg Gianforte, a billionaire carpetbagger who has managed to piss off Montana's sportsmen with his hate for letting people fish up in his stream -- river access is in our constitution or something, I don't know, ask my husband, but the men take it very FOR SERIOUS -- and he's just awful and wouldn't it be somethin' if Montana -- MONTANA -- had a Democratic gov, senator, and Congressman? Boy howdy jehosephat, and other country talk here!
Also, we told him our readers sent him a bunch of money, because we are so big and fancy and important, so DON'T MAKE A LIAR OF YOU AND OF ME.
Now you have your wallet out, gee, that is so handy, wonder if there's anyone else you feel like giving money to, OH OH OH IT ME!
Have you #paidthefuckup? Then you may Open Thread!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.