HOPE HICKS! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HOPE!
MOTHERFUCKER IF THERE IS ONE MORE BREAKING NEWS STORY TODAY ...
Hope Hicks is quitting White House, according to Maggie Haberman, who is good at knowing this stuff. Donald Trump will miss her:
“Hope is outstanding and has done great work for the last three years,” Mr. Trump said. “She is as smart and thoughtful as they come, a truly great person. I will miss having her by my side but when she approached me about pursuing other opportunities, I totally understood. I am sure we will work together again in the future.”
Oh shit she gonna join Omarosa in the "Big Brother" house, isn't she?
As NYT notes, this comes exactly one (1) day after Hicks was forced to spend eight whole hours smelling Devin Nunes's farts while testifying before the House Intelligence Committee. She also interviewed with special counsel Robert Mueller for two days several months ago.
We don't know exactly why Hope Hicks is leaving right now, and NYT doesn't tell us much:
Ms. Hicks had been considering leaving for several months. She told colleagues that she had accomplished what she felt she could with a job that made her one of the most powerful people in Washington, and that there would never be a perfect moment to leave, according to White House aides.
Whatever. Hicks had been White House communications director for five months, so by our back of the napkin math, this means she was ready to peace out after about a month of that? Lord.
Of course, there's little evidence her job really changed in any way when she got the new job title. Far as we can tell, her job description, ever since the early days of the campaign, has been to act as "my Hopey" to the bleating orange fuck sack stinking up the Oval Office.
Hope Hicks's departure marks the 598,674th resignation/quit-firing in the still young Trump administration. Haberman reports that we don't know what Hicks's next job will be, but Wonkette is JUST HOPING it has the following characteristics:
- More hot Janelle Monae-style tuxedos.
- Less helping Donald Trump commit obstruction of justice on Air Force One, allegedly.
- More time with Robert Mueller, like maybe as cooperating witness if she got caught saying "white lies" to him, or just special gossip friend if she didn't?
- Less dating wife-beaty Rob Porter and lady-shoving Corey Lewandowski and other men like them.
- More becoming a Democrat again and joining #TheResistance.
- Less having your old balls boss tell you your lady-shoving boyfriend doesn't deserve you, on account of the very high quality of your "tail."
Godspeed, Hope Hicks. We don't know what the Lord has in store for you, but it's gotta be better than the last few years of your life.
Unless the Lord has prison in store, in which case that suuuuuuucks. Hope that doesn't happen to you, Hope!
Anyway, goodbye Hope! We will miss writing about you sorta kinda not really!
OK, everybody, it's your HOP-EN thread! Goodbye!
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