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MOTHERFUCKER IF THERE IS ONE MORE BREAKING NEWS STORY TODAY ...


Hope Hicks is quitting White House, according to Maggie Haberman, who is good at knowing this stuff. Donald Trump will miss her:

“Hope is outstanding and has done great work for the last three years,” Mr. Trump said. “She is as smart and thoughtful as they come, a truly great person. I will miss having her by my side but when she approached me about pursuing other opportunities, I totally understood. I am sure we will work together again in the future.”

Oh shit she gonna join Omarosa in the "Big Brother" house, isn't she?

As NYT notes, this comes exactly one (1) day after Hicks was forced to spend eight whole hours smelling Devin Nunes's farts while testifying before the House Intelligence Committee. She also interviewed with special counsel Robert Mueller for two days several months ago.

We don't know exactly why Hope Hicks is leaving right now, and NYT doesn't tell us much:

Ms. Hicks had been considering leaving for several months. She told colleagues that she had accomplished what she felt she could with a job that made her one of the most powerful people in Washington, and that there would never be a perfect moment to leave, according to White House aides.

Whatever. Hicks had been White House communications director for five months, so by our back of the napkin math, this means she was ready to peace out after about a month of that? Lord.

Of course, there's little evidence her job really changed in any way when she got the new job title. Far as we can tell, her job description, ever since the early days of the campaign, has been to act as "my Hopey" to the bleating orange fuck sack stinking up the Oval Office.

Hope Hicks's departure marks the 598,674th resignation/quit-firing in the still young Trump administration. Haberman reports that we don't know what Hicks's next job will be, but Wonkette is JUST HOPING it has the following characteristics:

Godspeed, Hope Hicks. We don't know what the Lord has in store for you, but it's gotta be better than the last few years of your life.

Unless the Lord has prison in store, in which case that suuuuuuucks. Hope that doesn't happen to you, Hope!

Anyway, goodbye Hope! We will miss writing about you sorta kinda not really!

OK, everybody, it's your HOP-EN thread! Goodbye!

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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