He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman

A committee in the Alabama legislature begins hearings today into the possible impeachment of Gov. Robert Bentley, the state's super-sexy ol' governor who had an affair (he insists no actual bonage really occurred, you bet) with his top advisor, Rebekah Mason. Also some of the squickiest phone sex you've ever heard on cable news. An attorney for the state House committee investigating possible impeachment released a great big report Friday detailing all sorts of cheerful stuff about Bentley's conduct, which was chivalrous, romantic, passionate, and accidentally synched to his wife's iPad. Whoops!

How about some misuse of public resources in his attempts to cover up the affair? You betcha! Probably the most charming part of the report is the finding that, after Bentley found out his wife, Dianne, had recorded his phone calls with Mason, Bentley ordered the head of his security detail, Ray Lewis, to take care of breaking up with Mason for him, which strikes us as considerably more rude than breaking up by text:

That there is one classy guy. Also, we see what the paper meant when it said it reads like a cheap romance novel. Still: a better love story than Twilight.

Oh, and then there are the hot text messages, captured by Dianne Bentley thanks to the not-very-tech-savvy governor's gift of an iPad -- which was synced to his phone through "the cloud." Bentley spent campaign funds on buying prepaid "burner" phones -- hello, another likely impeachment count! -- but habitually used his own phone, which means Dianne Bentley has a whole bunch of screengrabs of Mason reminding the governor to get the hell off his iPhone and to use his "private Rebekah phone" instead. Bentley was asked by the House committee to turn over a list of his phones, but he didn't comply with that request. Heck of a guy!

Oh, but what a romantic! Some samples!

Awww, what a couple of sweet kids. This next one at first sounds like the start of a fantasy that will end up involving a coconut bra, but sadly, "you are on a deserted island" is just a metaphor for how alone Bentley is, the poor sad governor. But he's sure quick to try to take it in that direction!

To our great relief, if that fantasy went any further, we don't have a copy. And finally, the best of the bunch, which left Rachel Maddow giggling at the end of her Friday show:

After seeing that exchange while playing a video game online with a friend, Kid Zoom announced, "OK, that's it. My new Battle Cry is now officially 'Bless our hearts and other parts.'"

How bad was Robert Bentley at carrying on a secret affair? At one point, he sent a text to his wife's phone reading "I love you, Rebekah."

Oh, there's more. There's heroic staffer Heather Hannah, Dianne Bentley's assistant, who helped the former First Lady catch her cheating husband by showing her how to capture the synced messages on her iPad. The governor suspected Hannah had tipped off Dianne Bentley; the report also details some seriously gross vandalism of Hannah's car shortly after she gave a deposition to the Alabama Ethics Commission last year:

Within a few days of Hannah's deposition, she believes on or about June 6, 2016, Hannah was outside of her new home watering plants when she heard what sounded like her bushes rustling. Unsure of the source of the noise, she walked to the front of her house where she noticed "scribbles" on the windows of her vehicle.

She stated that at the time she could tell the scribbles were some sort of writing, but she had difficulty reading it. She took photographs of the writing on her windows, and it showed up much clearer in the pictures.

On the windshield, someone had scrawled what looked like, "You will fucking die." A week later, a rock was thrown through the window of of her home. No fingerprints or anything, but Ms. Hannah told the House investigator she "believed both incidents were related to her testimony."

Look, we know that love makes people do stupid things. But Robert Bentley appears to have been one especially clumsy lover. One last example: In 2014, at a hotel in Washington DC, Bentley, thinking Rebekah Mason was at his door, opened the door of his room wearing only boxer shorts. The hotel staff probably got a heck of a surprise.

Gov. Bentley, through his lawyer, keeps insisting he's done nothing illegal, and that the details in the report are inadmissible because they're false, hearsay, and for all we know the result of alien hackers from ISIS. At this point, we're hoping the impeachment committee includes an additional charge of Generally Being A Really Awful Boyfriend.

We'll keep you updated.


Yr Wonkette depends on donations from Readers Like You! If you like what you're reading -- maybe "like" isn't the right word for this one -- click the "donate" linky! We promise we're better at online security than Alabama's governor.

[ / Special Counsel Report / / /]

Donate with CC

Fellow Wonkers, this last week of horror has been wearing on us all, because here we are in a world where the "president" of the United States has ordered that migrant children be taken away from their parents at the border, and is simultaneously proud of it (for his base) and cravenly blaming it on Democrats because even he knows it's morally reprehensible. But what the hell can we do about it beyond calling our senators and representatives and posting sadness on Twitter, the latter of which is of dubious utility to anyone, and mostly depressing?

Resist the urge to disappear into a bottle. The kids and the families need you.

Slate has compiled a great list of places to start, which we will liberally summarize for you right now:

The thing these folks need most is LAWYERS. If you're an immigration lawyer, you're probably already swamped. But on the off chance you have time and expertise to spare, the American Immigration Lawyers Association is building a list of volunteers.

Yr Dok Zoom has given money to the fine folks at RAICES, a San Antonio-based group that has two major projects. They're getting lawyers for migrant families (and for the kids when possible) and raising money to pay migrant parents' bond so they can be out of jail and with their families. If you're in Texas, then click here to volunteer!

Update: RAICES is also holding a "what you can do" webinar this Thursday:

Also for folks who are in Texas:

The Texas Civil Rights Project is seeking "volunteers who speak Spanish, Mam, Q'eqchi' or K'iche' and have paralegal or legal assistant experience."

There's also CARA -- an umbrella organization for the Catholic Legal Immigration Network, the American Immigration Council, the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services, and the American Immigration Lawyers Association. Together, they provide legal services at immigration detention centers.

To help kids who are already in immigration detention, there's Kids in Need of Defense, which provides children with representation in immigration court and also lobbies for children's legal interests. Donate here.

If you're not quite sure where to give, ActBlue has bundled several immigrant rights groups into a single donation button -- see the list and donate here.

Remember, there's always the ACLU, which is fighting family separation with a federal class action lawsuit.

You want to march? Former top government ethics lawyer Walter Shaub, who gave up trying to tell the Trump administration what ethics even are, will be announcing the details of a national march (think DC and local affiliated marches) tonight on MSNBC's "All In with Chris Hayes." We'll make noise here, too.

Good people are coming together to put an end to this cruelty. EVERY Democrat in the Senate is now co-sponsoring Dianne Feinstein's bill to stop family separation.

And hell, we'll even give the last word to Jennifer Rubin, who seems to have reassessed some of her previous political views. She has a reminder for all of us:

Damn straight. Remember it every damn day between now and then.

It's your open thread. Don't boo -- organize. Time to RESIST.

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter

Don't take for granted that the institutions you love will always be there, like democracy, and Wonkette. Click to save at least one of them!


Border Patrol photo
Donate with CC

There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC




©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc