Photo via @TXMilitary

WHOA, we have many newses for your this Monday morning, Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

Hurricane Harvey has left large areas of Houston, Texas, underwater, with an expected $2 billion in economic losses and 30,000 people expected to seek refuge in shelters as rivers are expected to rise up to 60 feet. Residents are now being told to evacuate, if they can. Look for the helpers! (They're EVERYWHERE.)

A 52-year-old man was arrested for firing a gun during the "Unite the Right" neo-Nazi rally in Charlottesville, and an 18-year-old was arrested for the beating of Deandre Harris, while a 33-year-old Georgia man remains on the run for his alleged role in the assault.

Trump tweeted some things about Hurricane Harvey and announced that he'd somehow take a trip to what's left of Houston Texas on Tuesday, and with those tweets Donald Trump became president.

If you have friends and family in areas of Texas and Louisiana, you should make them aware of insurance scams and potentially life threatening fake news stories circulating on social media.

Trump was trying to build a trash palace in Moscow during the primaries, and was encouraged to give Putin some verbal blow-jobs in return for a bit of a reach around during the election.

Bob Mueller has sent subpoenas to two big DC lobbying firms for their records on dealings Paul Manafort had with Not-American pro-Putin puppets who have a fetish for killing dissidents.

Tea Party crazies are pissed Trump's White House keeps blowing them off on tax reform, but the White House is trying to pass the buck on to Congress.

The Trump administration will let local police departments buy heavy military surplus gear so that they have an easier time thumping the skulls of hippy protesters and arresting "bad hombres."

Not even REXXON will back Trump's Nazi bullshit! During an appearance on Fox News Sunday, Tillerson told Chris Wallace, "The president speaks for himself," when asked about Charlottesville.

Residents of Trumplandia are grabbing their pitchforks and tiki torches and getting ready to march on the State Department, and even the career diplomats are openly bitching about Trump and Tillerson's policies (or lack thereof), stating "Yes, diplomats do prefer diplomacy."

A few unlikely Republicans are joining Democrats in bucking changes to the National Flood Insurance Program that would leave all the poors in coastal states hung out to dry.

The Muslim Ban travel restrictions on ethnic minorities is back in court, and today's ruling is expected to deal with which refugees are exempted. Ay dios mio, no es bueno!

The Pentagon says it isn't deliberately hiding total troop numbers in Iraq and Afghanistan, it simply doesn't count temps (just like corporate America).

We're about to dump a ton of Ameros on modernizing our decaying nuclear arsenal, but we may end up triggering another nuclear arms race. Be sure and remember to duck and cover, kids!

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is looking at easing offshore drilling restrictions put in place to prevent things like the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil catastro-fuck now that there haven't been any major oil disasters. Fingers crossed!

Fatigued sailors are raising alarms in the wake of naval accidents like the USS McCain and USS Fitzgerald, with investigators finding that a lack of sleep and mounting stress have been causing them to crash out on the job.

A video has leaked of Defense Secretary Jim Mattis telling a group of soldiers to "hold the line" until we beat back the haters.

Steve Bannon is promising to "never turn" on Trump, however he is threatening to "light up" Mitch McConnell now that he has the "power." Gee, it's tough to imagine why anyone would accuse this guy of trying to suck his own dick.

The massive backlog of background checks for federal workers has gotten so bad that OPM isn't even going to bother reporting the numbers of people waiting for approval.

In a desperate attempt to secure their white privilege, Alabama unveiled a new statue to honor unknown Confederate soldiers.

Students in an Alabama high school started an Internet petition to remove an LGBQT rainbow flag that is disenfranchising all the white, cis-gendered students, but they're all too chicken shit to actually give it to the school.

Oklahoma charities are helping local teachers keep their heads just above water so they don't drown in student loan debt and pay cuts.

An Oklahoma police chief has been yanked from his Nazi closet after a local news station noticed a striking similarity between their new chief and the owner of a neo-Nazi record label.

Old stories about Joe Arpaio are beginning to resurface, like the time Arpaio framed a man for a fake murder plot, and all the alleged rapists and child molesters whom he let get away. Also, sometimes he did abuse of power to white people!

Leaked chat logs from "alt-right" forums will be key evidence in prosecuting neo-Nazi protesters accused of inciting violence in Charlottesville, but they claim that they were only joking when they talked about feeding Latino people into tractor combines and shooting antifa protesters with assault weapons.

While Trump hid behind Twitter and bitched about his Tortilla Curtain, Mexico offered aid for victims of Hurricane Harvey, as well as a reminder that it's not going to pay for that fucking wall.

Israelis have giant boners for Prince Kushner's failures in the Middle East peace process.

Meet Princess Ivanka's deadbeat svengali, Moshe Lax, who's been ripping off the super rich left and right while whispering sweet nothingness into her ear.

NICE TIME! While accepting an award at the VMAs, Pink gave a powerful speech in defense of weird people who look how they look, and do their own thing. YOU WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!

And here's your morning Nice Time! A ZEBRA FOAL! (That's baby in horsey-speak!)

We're working overtime to bring you all the newses we can, but we need your help! Give us money so we can keep mainlining coffee!
Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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