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How Hillary Clinton Will Win The Nomination Now

So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN's thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game?


  • If Hillary only wins 70% of the remaining pledged delegates, that means she only needs the magic number, 69%, of undecided superdelegates. Get it, it's like sex, haw haw haw!
  • If she and Obama split the remaining pledged delegates 50-50, she needs 84% of the undecided superdelegates to endorse her loser campaign. As the Clinton camp is surely aware, some guy wrote a book called 1984 once that depicted a dystopian future. "84" is an omen, and Hillary's the only candidate who can bring us that dystopian future!
  • Say Obama went crazy and won 60% of the remaining pledged delegates. Well he'd only be screwing himself, as it happens! Hillary would then need 92% of the undecided superdelegates, and what happened in 1992, OH LET ME THINK, maybe that's when her husband beat some old Republican and took over the White House?! Let's do it again!
  • The most likely scenario for Hillary to become president, however: Barack Obama wins 54% of the remaining pledged delegates and 60% of undecided superdelegates, and Hillary shoots him in the face with her fake Hitler Gun, and then Al Gore becomes president again at the convention and she shoots him too, the end.


Delegate counter [CNN.com]
Hillary Clinton says she'll stay in the presidential race [AP/Google]


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Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

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The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

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