How to Be a Democrat
In this deeply divided nation, switching parties is an act of courage, or at least an act of craven opportunism. Which is kind of like courage, in that it might get you a Purple Heart. In any case, one man is thinking of making that leap. But first, some questions. From "An Open Letter to Josh Marshall":
[I]f I become a Democrat, does that mean I have to like James Carville? I'm sure he's a nice man, but he looks like that guy from Poltergeist. Sometimes I have nightmares where Carville eats my leg and offers me free health care.
Also, if I become a Democrat, can you introduce me to Natalie Portman? Introduce me to Natalie and I'll hate anyone you tell me to. I realize I've said some things in the past that might irritate Democrats, but Robert Byrd is a Democrat and he was in the Klu Klux Klan. I mean, I've said some dumb things, but I've never been in the Klan.
We have some similar questions, just coming from the other side: If I become a Republican. . .
• does that mean I have to challenge Chris Matthews to a duel? Who carries his body out if I win?
• can I take a year off with nobody knowing of my whereabouts, then return to question my competitors bullet holes?
• could you introduce me to John Ashcroft? Not because I like him, I just want to see if he can really turn me into a pillar of salt.
• does that mean an evil, crooked-mouthed bald man gets to use me as his willing pawn?
• can I just make shit up all day with the confidence that Democrats will be too spineless to call me on it?
Of course, we make shit up all the time as it is!
An Open Letter to Josh Marshall [Duff Wire]