How to Not Look as Bad a John McCain Tonight
Your 2008 Republican All-Star Team is debating tonight in godless California. And they all have a bit of a problem: while 70% of Americans would like to give the President a hard kick right in the shins, the insane old xenophobes who actually vote in Republican primaries still love the guy.
So how can the Republican Presidential Nominee-to-be make his distaste for the President known to the rubes who'll be voting in November '08 while hiding it from the rubes who'll nominate him? Here are our tips:
* When criticizing "the White House," make it clear that your real problem is with the building itself, not the building as symbolic stand-in for the Bush administration. Metaphors are for liberals!
* If asked about George Tenet -- or other former administration allies who've since turned against the President -- mention your deep respect for the man, but make the "jerking off" gesture.
* How would you have managed the invasion and occupation of Iraq differently? You would've thrown Cindy Sheehan in jail, dammit!
* Feel free to trash the President on immigration. Unless you're trying to be competitive in California, then trash the President on immigration in Spanish.
* Don't be John McCain.
Hope that helps, guys! Enjoy your fun little debate, it's a shame you'll all be totally forgotten once the Law & Order dude finally announces!