How Will CIA Get Idiot President Trump To Sit Still For Presidential Daily Briefings?
But he doesn't LIKE intelligence briefings, EW YUCK.
The Washington Post had an interesting little thing this weekend, for those of you who are interested in learning about things and knowing things, about the longstanding tradition of the Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB). That is, of course, the intelligence thingie the president gets every day, which President Donald Trump will probably not be interested in because he's too busy helping Vanity Fair break subscription records, and also because he's Like, A Smart Person who doesn't need intelligence briefings. It's also the same thingie that failed to warn George W. Bush in 2001 that Bin Laden was determined to strike in the United States, oh wait, "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." was the name of the memo. Oh well, bygones!
As WaPo explains, all the various presidents have had their own styles of getting these briefings, and apparently President Obama is a complete hardass!
Each morning, President Obama gathers his inner circle for the Presidential Daily Briefing, a run-through of the most important intelligence from around the world.
The rules under Obama have been strict and unyielding: No substitutes are permitted if one of the six regular attendees is out sick or traveling. No straphangers are allowed to linger in the Oval Office and watch.
AND NO SNACKING. The way WaPo makes it sound, White House staffers are sad and cry all the time if they're not part of the super-exclusive group that gets to do PDBs with the president. Oh well, sucks for them!
But the point of the piece is that, with Emperor Dicksnot on his way to the Oval Office, the PDB might not be so fun and exclusive anymore, because the boy king doesn't have the brain or the patience to sit through something boring like a daily briefing, especially when he could be doing funner things, like retweeting white supremacists or fiddling with his panty rocket. So how CAN the CIA get PussGrab McGillicuddy to pay attention?
Washington insiders have begun to wonder what the Trump equivalent to the prized meeting will be. “Maybe it is a visit to his penthouse in New York for a meeting or maybe you get to fly with him?” Smith wondered. “Maybe people will be trying to get in [NSA pick Michael] Flynn’s office?”
Others have speculated whether the CIA might adjust the PDB to better suit Trump’s tastes. The CIA made short films to prepare Reagan, a former actor and well-known film buff, for his foreign trips and overseas summits.
FLASH CARDS? Do it like a pop-up book? Let Vladimir Putin chew it up and spit it into Trump's mouth like Russian Mama Bird? Put sexxxy pictures of Ivanka on the front of it, since we know Trump thinks she's hot? MAYBE THE CIA COULD LITERALLY GRAB TRUMP BY THE PUSSY AND READ IT TO HIM?
Asked where he turned for military advice last year, Trump told “Meet the Press” host Chuck Todd, “I watch the shows.” Maybe the CIA could use Trump’s love of cable news to better hold his attention, [former Obama administration official Derek] Chollet said.
“They could do a Fox News-style PDB?” he said. “Maybe that would be more interesting for him.”
Hey, idea! Maybe Trump and Sean Hannity could cuddle in bed while Hannity reads it to Trump, or maybe possibly Donald Trump is a fucking incurious child who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near our nation's secrets in the first place.
We are just saying.