Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police
Prepare to clutch your pearls, wonketeers. We have on our hands a tawdry display of vile sexuality that absolutely DEMANDS to be shown to the world. It seems that
a politician errr, a journalist the private-citizen daughter-in-law of a retired journalist has put up some super-racy photos on the Facebooks! Gasp! and bring me a cool mint julep for my sensibilities have been affronted. And Howard Kurtz is ON THE CASE!
Don't remember who Howard Kurtz is? He used to be the host of CNN’s Reliable Sources, a teevee show dedicated to talking about the media, whereby media elites would talk to other media elites on the teevee about media folks on teevee and in journamilism. Apparently the show name Circle Jerk was already taken. After like a million years, he decided to jump ship for Fox News because apparently he was unable to express his full magnitude of dickishness at CNN.
Fresh off getting his ass so fired from Daily Beast, Kurtz is fitting into his new role at Fox News nicely. Rather than report on actual news (you know, debt ceiling, Syria, immigration reform, Miley Cyrus), Kurtz bizarrely decided to attack Pari Bradlee, the daughter-in-law of respected Washington Post journalist Ben Bradlee:
Her new [Facebook] profile picture, in a Swiss-cheese bra that leaves little to the imagination and long black leather sleeves and briefs, is so revealing that it drew a torrent of breathless comments. In another just-posted photo she is nude, shot from the back, twisting one arm behind her.
Egads! We shall have to sexplore this unseemly graphic XXXXX-rated facebook stuff!
We here at Wonket did our due diligence and looked at said pictures on Facebook. They were quite fetching! Also, Howard Kurtz is out of his fucking mind if he thinks these are “R-rated pictures,” or “a quick way to grab attention.” Howard Kurtz, though, does not think Howard Kurtz is out of his mind. Nor, apparently, does he find it unseemly to appoint himself a member of the Mutaween? Instead, Kurtz asks, "Do the pictures go too far?"
No, you backwards ass-goblin. The nude pic mentioned in the quote is a yoga pose, and it looks hard to do and there is nothing racy or too far about it at all - not even sideboob or anything.
There was nothing that any reasonable human being could find offensive. But in order to make his
case wordcount, he quotes her friends who commented on her Facebook photos, which everyone knows is the height of journalistic integrity:
The Hamptons photo shoot, conducted by an old friend, Barry Fidnick, prompted friends to post such comments as "HOTT THANG!!!!", "u look sexual" and "Turning this gay man STRAIGHT!"
Kids these days, amirite? Clearly, due to these selected comments on some of Bradlee's 1,900+ photos, it shows that this is a story well worth reporting in a national media outlet. But wait - there's more shockingly shocking journalimilism to come.
Seriously, prepare to have your mind fucking blown SO HARD:
And her husband obviously approves: he "liked" the picture on her page.
Goddam, we need our own Wonket Siren like Drudge, because this is such amazing journalism, proving that these provocative photos have GONE TOO FAR.
So we’re not surprised by these comments by Peri Bradlee’s mother-in-law, Sally Quinn, via MediaMatters:
"I guess it's been a slow news week. I just don't know what he's up to, would I go after a friend's child? No," she said.
Oh, did we mention that Kurtz worked at the Washington Post from 1981 to 2010? And so clearly knows both Sally Quinn and Ben Bradlee? This only makes him all the more of a giant used condom smathered with Santorum.
In sum, fuck Kurtz, and mazel tov for fitting in so well at Fox.