I Believe The Word You're Looking For is "Constituents"

Remember when Randy the Duke-Stir made his teary-eyed and pussified apology to helping himself to his ill-gotten booty? In that moment, he wept, he knew "great shame." "I will forfeit my freedom, my reputation, all my worldly possessions and most importantly the trust of my friends and family," he said in a quivering voice. We always thought is was interesting the order in which the thoughts of his losses occurred to him. Still, it seemed like something was missing.

Flash forward to this week. The impending approach of full-blown Abramoffukkah has got politicos jumpy and doomsayers knee-deep in augury. Against this backdrop, Representative Ralph Regula made his deepest concern known: "I wish it hadn't happened because it's not going to help us keep our majority."

We have a runny nose today, and are unable to confirm whether the townfolk are out in force, wailing and bemoaning the tarnished reputations of statesmen with bad hair, the repossessed furnishings that sound suspiciously like toilets but really aren't and the devastating loss of precious Congressional majorities. But amid all the concern over the ramifications of Abramoffukkah, we have this funny feeling that there's an unnamed party that's really being damaged. Who exactly are public servants supposed to be beholden to again? There's a term for it, I swear.


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