I Don't Care What Anyone Says, Do Not Let Gwyneth Paltrow In Your Vagina
Are you a someone with way too much money and a penchant for doing some extremely ill-advised things to your genitals? Well — I am about to make all of your dreams come true!
That may have come out wrong.
No matter! The actual important thing here is that Dr. Gwyneth Paltrow — a woman who has previously told other women to steam clean their vaginas and stick jade eggs up their vaginas and generally just built an entire lifestyle brand off of giving absolutely terrible vagina advice — has a new show on Netflix. In which she clearly plans to dispense even more terrible advice to people about their vaginas.
Here is the poster for that show, featuring a wee Gwyneth stomping around a giant vagina in bright yellow four-inch heels. The allusion is a tad obvious, but I'm into it.
To be fair, Gwyneth does do things besides giving terrible vagina advice. Things like promoting the work of a "Medical Medium" who can diagnose your thyroid problems by talking to ghosts. Or selling $120 magic astronaut stickers. And $30 psychic vampire repellent.
Truly, she is a renaissance woman — and this show, judging by the preview, will certainly reflect that.
the goop lab with Gwyneth Paltrow | Trailer | Netflix youtu.be
According to the description beneath the trailer:
the goop lab with Gwyneth Paltrow is a six-episode series, guiding the deeply inquisitive viewer in an exploration of boundary-pushing wellness topics, including: psychedelics, cold therapy, female pleasure, anti-aging, energy healing and psychics.
Oh, psychedelics you say? Guess it's a good thing that Gwyneth is a rich white lady or else she and her co-stars would probably end up in prison, what with those being illegal for us common folk and all.
I am a skeptic, of course, so it's probably not surprising that I am not into all of this new age woo (the medical stuff in particular seems like an extremely bad idea). But what do the people who actually appear on the show have to say?
Yeah, I'm going to take them at their word on this.
"the goop lab" (no caps because gwyneth is now e.e. cummings multiplied by k.d. lang) premieres January 24 on Netflix, and I will absolutely be covering it here whether Rebecca wants me to or not.
Anyway, this is now your open thread! Chat amongst yourselves, and don't go steaming your vaginas because that actually is a very bad idea!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse