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My, what a peaceful rural ... 'FREEZE, MOTHERFUCKER!'


Today's tale of ICE: Immigration Cops Gone Feral comes from Rome, New York, where dairy farmer John Collins is seriously pissed about the treatment a legal worker received at the hands of federal agents who seem to have decided that if the president doesn't need to bother with little things like "The Constitution," then neither do they. Collins told Syracuse.com that ICE agents entered his milk barn without a warrant or permission and seized one of his employees, Marcial de Leon Aguilar, whom they had pinned up against a window as Collins came into the barn after hearing the disturbance.

The men didn't have uniforms or visible badges or insignia, and their vehicles, parked across the road, had no law enforcement markings.

"I run and say, 'What the hell is going on in here?'" Collins said.

Then the men told Collins they were officers with Immigration and Customs Enforcement. He asked them for a warrant or some paperwork to explain what they were doing. They had none, he said, so he ordered them to get off his property and leave Aguilar alone.

Instead, the officers cuffed Aguilar and took him across the road to a vehicle while Aguilar's kids, who were waiting for the school bus, watched. He said the warrantless arrest involved seven officers and three vehicles.

Collins said he followed the officers cross the street and asked them why they were taking Aguilar, but he didn't get a straight answer. He also continued to ask for paperwork, but was not offered any by the ICE officers.

Aguilar, his wife, Virginia, and their four kids live in a house on Collins's farm; he says Aguilar has proper documentation to work in the US, and has been working at the farm for about nine months. Aguilar's wife and kids came from Guatemala and crossed the border illegally, and she has requested asylum in the US because of threats of violence against the family in Guatemala. While Syracuse.com didn't note what stage that asylum request is in, it seems safe to assume the initial interview found at least a credible claim that she was in danger, since otherwise, DHS policy is to deport people immediately. Note to trolls: That means these are not "illegal immigrants," no matter how many times you've read on Breitbart that asylum seekers are all just liars and Guatemala is a happy peaceful shithole country that people are leaving just to get on welfare and work at dairy farms.

Collins said that Virginia is in regular contact with ICE regarding her case, including a meeting just last week; she's pregnant with the couple's fifth child, and Mr. Aguilar has often accompanied her to meetings with ICE. She wasn't at the farm yesterday because of a doctor's visit, he said. Yes, yes, now let's hear all the crying about anchor babies, because Americans are the WORST.

Collins said that when he asked the officers again for a warrant, they ignored him; then when he took out his cell phone and began to record the arrest, one of the officers grabbed his phone and threw it across the road, then cuffed him and threatened to arrest him for interfering with federal agents. They are, after all, The Law, and don't see any need to show some dumb "warrant" to anyone.

US Senators Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand are both aware of the apparently unlawful arrest; a spokesman for Schumer's office told the Utica Observer-Dispatch the senator was making inquiries to ICE about the incident, and Gillibrand responded to the Syracuse.com piece with a tweet calling for an "immediate investigation":

US Rep Claudia Tenney's office also said she would be staying on top of developments in the case and would be a "liaison and resource" to the federal government for Mr. Collins.

Not surprisingly, the comments on the Syracuse.com story are full of Internet Detectives who just know there's something fishy about all this, the Aguilars are actually illegal and Collins has to be lying about Mr. Aguilar's work permit, and also no warrant is needed to arrest illegal immigrants since the Constitution is not for them anyway (not even remotely true, but you don't need facts on the internet). To be on the safe side, at least one said Collins should be stripped of his citizenship and deported to Guatemala with the Aguilars for harboring criminals, the way America is supposed to be. These would be the same folks who think universal background checks for firearms purchases would be the first step toward tyranny, and who no doubt think that Cliven Bundy and the Gang That Couldn't Think Straight should have shot some jackbooted federal thugs for enforcing land-use laws.

In other news, Fox News is still going on and on about how the FBI has no respect for due process, the end.

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[Syracuse.com / Utica Observer-Dispatch]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

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Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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