ICY DEATH RAINS FROM THE SKY ONTO UNPREPARED WASHINGTON
Panic! There's SNOW outside! As the federal government struggles to cope with this strange, cold, slippery water-like substance that's coated every exposed surface of the city, employees everywhere are being sent home early -- so no one's reading us!
The government closed an hour ago, actually, so if you're still working now, you're a sucker (or a blogger).
Ominous that this terrifying "frozen rain" should happen on the same day as last year's paralyzing storm .
Obviously, terror is to blame. Terror and the fact that everyone in Washington is a giant pussy.