Idiot Texas Rep Calls For Department Of Clinton Investigatin', To Investigate The Clintons
Whew! We were concerned there for a moment that Congress wasn't going to bother looking into the the latest SCANDALOUS SCANDAL about Billary Clinton, since the media (except for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Fox, every single news network, and your grandma's blogspot) have ignored it, but Texas Republican Rep. Ted Poe assures us that, nope, Congress is ON that mofo for sure.
Asked by Sam Malone -- some moron with a radio show because every moron gets to have a radio show, it's the law -- whether Congress is going to investigate "this kind of behavior from Hillary and Bill," meaning the allegations in a book by wingnut "journalist" Peter Schweizer, which was trashed and debunked by, like, EVERYONE, including Fox, before it was even released, Poe answered (for real, not making this up):
I believe pretty strongly that that's gonna be -- that's not going away. Congress will investigate yet one more scandal. We can have a -- we need to hire a whole department just to investigate the Clintons and the Clinton scandals. Yes, there is going to be some investigation about it.
Oh good. We'd hate to think -- after the ten katrillion dollars the federal government has already spent over the decades looking into every Clinton sneeze just to make sure it wasn't really a secret password to initiative Operation CLINTON STUFF!!! -- no one in Congress was still willing to spend unlimited time and money to prove the Clintons Did A Thing. Better still, we should create a whole new department to do just that. Maybe the Department Of Clinton investigatin' (DoCI, naturally) can move into the Department of Education's offices, once the next GOP president gets rid of that obvious waste of taxpayer money.
Malone responded with relief and then proved he really is moron enough to deserve his radio show by pointing out to the congressman that "you've got a holding pattern of scandals trying to land, going back to Fast and Furious." But that's sort of unfair. It's not as if Republicans haven't been trying to make one of their fabulist conspiracy theories -- who even cares anymore which one? any of 'em will do -- turn into impeachment or jail time or a mark that goes down on someone's permanent record. Something! If only there were an entire department devoted to it. Sigh.
If Rep. Poe's constituents ever catch on, he will also have a bright future in radio show hosting:
The problem, of course -- there's several issues -- but the problem is is [sic] that the Justice Department has quit being objective, and they only -- they pick and choose who they want to investigate, and therefore people in the administration, they don't get investigated, like someone not in the administration, like the tea party groups [...] And you have attorney general, like Eric Holder, who's still in contempt of Congress, who I think for political reasons refuses to investigate certain people, and the Clintons happen to be one of those.
Damn the former attorney general, who still refuses to investigate one of those certain people in the administration like the Clintons! The Department of Justice certainly wasn't politicized like this before President Obama came along. Or the IRS, which is what we think Poe means when he talks about Tea Party groups being investigated unfairly, which would still be a not very solid argument, if that's what he means, who knows?
Meanwhile, Eric Holder or the IRS or whoever is supposed to be in charge of objectively investigating Democrats is letting the Clintons get away with murder. (Really. It's a known fact that the Clintons have murdered everyone who crosses them. IT'S ON THE INTERNET.)
We sincerely hope Rep. Poe finds a way to make this Department of Clinton Investigatin' happen, maybe Ken Starr is willing to be the Investigatin' Czar, and then we could finally get to the bottom of whatever it is the Clintons might have probably definitely done because some editor at Breitbart "wrote" a "book" that has words in it.
Or perhaps Poe's time would be better spent focusing on illegal grasshoppers from Brazil, and how if we can keep those bastards from crossing our borders, surely we can keep out the Messicans too.