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If Chris Christie Were King of America He'd Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably

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Chris Christie wants America to know that Barack Obama caused the government shutdown by "not bringing people together," and if Chris Christie were in charge, he'd run this railroad a heck of a lot better, by golly:

"My approach would be, as the executive, is to call in the leaders of the Congress, the legislature, whatever you're dealing with, and say, 'We're not leaving this room until we fix this problem, because I'm the boss, I'm in charge," Christie said.

"When you're the executive, if you're waiting for leadership from the legislative branch of government, whether you're the governor, or whether you're the president or you're mayor, you are going to be waiting forever, forever because they're not built to lead and take risk."

Yeah, why hasn't Barack Obama dragged the leaders of the House and Senate in and told them to play nice and fix America? Because nothing says leadership like announcing "I'm in control here." Look how well it worked for that one general guy!

And let us also mention this: We suspect that this is not in fact Chris Christie, but an amazingly skilled actor, since the forum for his remarks is, allegedly, the "Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation." Come on, NBC News, stop pulling our leg.

The best single moment of Christie's oration comes at about the 3-minute mark, where he explains that you need to get the congressional leadership in a room and make them work together:

"And then, if people are being unreasonable, once you've given it your full chance, everyone's sat down and talked..."

Oh, that "if" right there is such a tease, because it suggests a "then" that never arrives. Christie never quite finished the "what to do" part of his little scenario, fantasizing instead about how if he would magically ban politicians from spouting talking points to the media, instead of talking with each other and solving problems:

If it were up to him, the Garden State Republican said, he would eliminate the heavily used press conference staging areas in the United States Capitol and at the White House driveway where politicians gab to the press.

"If we were able to eliminate those two spots and instead say to them, 'Here's the deal: You can go to those spots, but you can only go to those spots after you've actually had a real meeting where people had tried to really solve problems–then you go talk to the press,'" he said.

So there you have the Chris Christie solution to an impasse: Put people in a room and make them come to a solution for problems, and if they don't agree, well...put them in a room and make them solve problems. Then they can talk to the press.

That's the kind of leadership America hungers for.

This whole thing is so mind-blisteringly dumb that he's just got to be running for president.

[NBC News ]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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