Rapey spunk sock James O'Keefe is languishing in a puddle of his own failure (again), which means it's time for known idiot Chris Cillizza to take a victory lap. No, Cillizza wasn't involved in any of the reporting that exposed O'Keefe's latest stupid attempt at committing fraud against reality. Cillizza doesn't even work for the Washington Post anymore! But he used to, and that means he knows stuff. Indeed, in some circles, if somebody says you are "being a total Cillizza," they are saying you are a Knower Of Things. Those circles are all inside Chris Cillizza's underwear, but whatever.

Cillizza weighed in on the O'Keefe thing with a tweet and an article and then another tweet about the same article and then some more tweets about the same article. This is the most important tweet:

All right, bro, we got a thesis! "If James O'Keefe had only asked Chris Cillizza's advice, none of this ever would have happened." Let's see if he can back up that bold assertion with an #argument:

As someone who spent a decade working in The Washington Post newsroom, I could have told James O'Keefe that his attempt to trick Post reporters into running a made-up story about Roy Moore forcing a woman to have an abortion ... was never going to work.

He worked there, bro. He could have told him. But, alas, the phone never rang.

(Full disclosure: Project Veritas targeted CNN -- to little effect.)

Know who worked at CNN when James O'Keefe targeted it? That's right, it was Chris Cillizza.

All right, we are being dicks, let's give Cillizza a chance to Fleshlight out his argument (we see what we did there):

The problem -- if O'Keefe knew anything about how large media organizations like the Post and CNN work -- is that neither of these organizations would ever simply run with a story from one woman about an alleged forced abortion without doing the most basic fact checking.

Like, why, if Phillips had only lived in Alabama for a summer as a teenager, did she have a cell phone with an Alabama area code? Or why did a woman with that same name have a GoFundMe page seeking to raise money for a move to New York City for a new job in the "conservative media movement"? And why was one of the two donors to that GoFundMe effort Phillips' daughter?

Way to list all the reporting WaPo did and make it sound like they were just following the old Cillizza playbook, champ.

There are backstops within backstops to make certain things like this made-up story don't get through the cracks.

Chris Cillizza knows about the backstops inside the backstops. Know what they used to call Chris Cillizza when he worked at WaPo? "Backstop."

O'Keefe would know that if he had actually spent any time in newsrooms or learning about how a tip becomes a story (or doesn't).

Chris Cillizza has spent time in newsrooms. He knows how a tip becomes a story. (Or doesn't.) It's this expertise that led him to zero in on the REAL Harvey Weinstein rape story, which was that Hillary Clinton didn't apologize for the actions of Weinstein's dick soon enough. He was smart enough (because he's been in newsrooms) to know the REAL story of the 2016 election was that Hillary Clinton is a bitch. Who among us would not want to study at this master's bare feet?

James O'Keefe hath committed the cardinal sin of journalism, by failing to ask Chris Cillizza to shower him with #knowledge. Hopefully he'll eat some humble pie and let Cillizza take him to school before he tries it again.

Or if Cillizza is busy picking his ass that day, there's always expert journalist Maggie Haberman. Maybe she could help James O'Keefe?

Or Glenn Thrush! He's suspended right now for being gross at women, so he's probably not busy. Maybe they can talk about luring ladies onto dildo lube boats or something.


Wonkette hopes you have enjoyed this latest episode of Chris Cillizza Sucks Own Dick, and we are sorry about your lunch.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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