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I'm Worth a Million In Prizes With My Torture Film, Drive a GTO, Wear a Uniform, All On Government Loan

News


  • Nancy Pelosi's new idea is for the House to pass the Senate's health-care reform by not voting for it. [Washington Post]
  • America's remaining employed people would very much like to just stay in their jobs forever, quietly, not getting in the way, until death -- but Things Have Changed and they will all be fired long before retirement age, which is now 70. [Reuters]
  • Texas has bravely removed Thomas Jefferson from its school history books, because he didn't love Jesus enough. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • Iggy and the Stooges finally won a "rock & roll hall of fame" award, but Iggy's the only one left alive, and he shared the honors (?) with Genesis and the Hollies and ABBA. [Detroit Free Press/NYT]
  • If your boner quits working, you're probably going to die soon, from a heart attack. Sorry dudes. [CNN]
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No pressure in November, but looks like the Supreme Court is going to do FUCK ALL about gerrymandering this term. In a unanimous decision authored by Chief Justice Roberts, the Court remanded the landmark Gill v. Whitford redistricting case on standing -- in other words, they won't be ruling on it because the plaintiffs challenging the gerrymander hadn't adequately proved that they personally had the right to challenge Wisconsin's preposterous districts.

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We have been hearing ever since late last week that Michael Cohen is probably about to be arrested and probably going to be indicted on one million charges and probably maybe might be about to try to flip and make a deal so that he doesn't end up in prison for the rest of his natural life. In fact, we have been hanging our hopes on it, because everything else sucks. Sure, we are still filled with joy over how Paul Manafort is on day four of JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER, JAIL, but then we remembered what is happening on the border and what we are saying right now is we need something happy.

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