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Hello and welcome to "We must now do (name irrelevant thing) to prevent the next Boston Marathon tragedy" week here in America. Fresh from the fine American political tradition that brought you the Iraq War as a nationally-supported response to 9/11, Senators Chuck Schumer and Lindsey Grahamare calling for -- not war, as this is John McCain's beat -- immigration reform, to prevent the next terrorist attack on the United States. Sure, why not. Can Lindsey Graham explain how immigration reform will also prevent climate change and diabetes, too?


From The Hill:

"Now is the time to bring all of the 11 million [undocumented immigrants] out of the shadows and find out who they are. Most of them are here to work, but we may find some terrorists in our midst," Graham said in an interview on CNN's "State of the Union" program. "What happened in Boston … should urge us to act quicker, not slower, when it comes to getting the 11 million identified."

True, Lindsey Graham, why has American not been shining a bigger flashlight on all these scary people hiding in the "shadows" of your McDonald's drive-thru? Now is the time to look at these people very suspiciously, since America was not doing this before. "How immigration reform will prevent U.S. citizens and permanent residents from committing terrorist acts" sounds like an "F" policy paper to us given how the FBI botched that one. Maybe we should repeal Obamacare to stop the next terrorist act instead.

[The Hill]

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Florida's hand-counting of ballots is underway, and for all the Republican whining about Democrats trying to "steal" the elections for US Senate and governor (and floating insane conspiracy theories while they're at it), the recounts appear on track to confirm the results initially reported on election night: Florida's new governor will probably be Republican Rick DeSantis, and current governor and Voldemort impersonator Rick Scott will probably replace Democrat Bill Nelson in the US Senate. That doesn't necessarily mean anything is really settled, of course, because it's fucking Florida.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's first days in Congress have been a doozie. She's been "mistaken" for an intern or a spouse on multiple occasions, everyone's making up pretend fights that she's getting in with people she's not actually getting into fights with, and she's still somehow not performing poverty well enough to convince Fox News and other conservatives that she is not a secret billionaire.

On Wednesday, Fox News published an exposé on AOC and her vast riches -- showing that even though she said that it was going to be tough to afford an apartment in DC for the three months before she'd receive a salary, she was actually a fifteen thousandaire.

If she converted that $15K into pennies, she could probably swim in them, just like her fellow rich person Scrooge McDuck.

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