Hey, Know Who ELSE Donald Trump Likes To Pardon?

SPOILER it is people who personally commit crimes for him.

What was your FAVORITE illegal and/or inappropriate thing Donald Trump and the GOP shoved in our faces on the second night of the Republican National Convention? Was it when the former abortion lady whose entire life appears to be a fraud got up there like PEE YEW, abortion smells STINKY? Was it when Melania Trump, dressed as a tinpot dictator's mostly absent wife — typecasting! — abused the people's house with her convention address? When Trump himself took a giant orange shit all over the solemn naturalization ceremony, using immigrants as toy props in his own transmogrified version of the "It's A Small World" ride, to make it look like he actually likes people from places he calls "shithole countries"?

Or was it when, as if to show off his powers, like he was showing off one of those big VROOOOOOM trucks they bring to the White House lawn to distract his excitable brain, he did a pardon ceremony for a bank robber?

Oh man, Donald Trump loves to pardon people. We think not only does it make him feel like God, with the power to grant mercy or damnation, but it also reminds him of his favorite thing, which is pardoning people who commit crimes for him. You know, as long as they're still loyal to the king. Or if, like Roger Stone, they have shit on him and if he doesn't commute or pardon their sentences, they might squeal. (Allegedly.) Oh well, whatever it is, the pardoning power is like so cool, you guys.

Speaking of, we have yet another update from your new Republican boyfriend Miles Taylor, former Trump-appointed chief of staff at the Department of Homeland Security, who spilled even more beans last night in a new ad from Republican Voters Against Trump. It wasn't a shocking revelation, like the one about how Trump goes off on tangents in the Situation Room about how cool he thinks the My Pillow guy is, or how he gets distracted in meetings about WALL fantasizing about what kind of flesh-piercing spikes to put in top of it, or what kinds of alligators and snakes to put below it, in the moat, yes we said the moat.

In fact, it's something we just sort of figured was the case: Donald Trump totally orders people to commit crimes, and says don't worry, he'll pardon them if they get in trouble with the Deep State po-lice:

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Person. Woman. Man. BABIES ON SPIKES! MY PILLOW!1!!11!!1!1!!!!!

Miles Taylor spilling more beans, y'all.

Time for your weekly news of Miles Taylor, the former (Trump-appointed) chief of staff at the Department of Homeland Security who tells all the secrets! And we are guessing, but not for certain, but we think Taylor might have been a source for some of those leaks to the lamestream media about how the tiny-handed sadist in the White House wanted WALL to be surrounded by moats full of alligators and snakes and whatnot, and topped with spikes, and not just regular spikes, but ELECTRIC spikes.

Taylor told more stories on the Rick Wilson and Molly Jong-Fast podcast "The New Abnormal." The Daily Beast has excerpts, related to the BABIES ON SPIKES thing.

When it came to the border wall, Trump would dream up "sickening" medieval plots "to pierce the flesh" of migrants, rip all the families apart, "maim," and gas them, Taylor claims. "This was a man with no humanity whatsoever," Taylor says. "He says, we got to do this, this, this, and this, all of which are probably impossible, illegal unethical," Taylor recalls, but he was writing them down as the president spoke. "And he looks over me and he goes, 'you fucking taking notes?'"

That's the president of the United States, talking about humans. Children, babies, mommies, daddies. "Maim" them. "Pierce the flesh." Shoot them. In the podcast, Taylor recounted one time when Trump just furiously bitched that the spikes on top of the planned border wall weren't sharp enough. "I want them SO SHARP that I want it to pierce human flesh so it'll go right through their hands or their arms if they try to climb it," Taylor recounts Trump saying.

And yeah, Taylor talked about the alligators and the snakes Trump wanted in the moat, so that's why we're just THINKIN' he might have talked to the press at some point or another.

Point is, if you still think we're exaggerating when we say Trump would go from zero to Hitler in 14 words or less if he ever felt like that's the only way he could retain power, get out of this blog post and go punch yourself in the face until you wake up.

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Little Marco Rubio Is Trump’s Big Latin America Adviser. No, Really.

So, that’s why Rubio’s such a big, sad suck up.

During the 2016 Republican primary, Donald Trump humiliated Florida Senator Marco Rubio. He called him silly names and crushed him in his own state. Like Ted Cruz, Rubio went on and on about Trump would destroy the oh-so-noble conservative cause, but they both eventually caved and endorsed Trump for president.

Rubio has spent almost four years as Trump's loyal lap dog, deflecting if not outright defending the president's worst excesses. You might ask what Rubio gained from offering Trump his certified, pre-owned spine. Politico has a theory. See, if you've ever managed to stay awake through one of Rubio's stump speeches, you'd know he's the son of Cuban immigrants, the kind of immigrants Trump likes because they are inclined to vote for him. Rubio's a vocal critic of the regimes in Cuba and Venezuela, and he opposes what he considers Democratic policies of “appeasement in the region." He's also popular with Cuban and Venezuelan exiles and their descendants in Florida.

Trump wants to keep the “bad" immigrants and asylum seekers out of the country because as another Trump lapdog once said, he's a “xenophobic religious bigot." He also wants to win Florida again, and he considers Rubio key to that effort. This is why he wants to keep Little Marco happy.


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White Nonsense

Texas Asshole Wants To Share Good News About ‘Mostly Elderly & Hispanics’ Dying From COVID-19

Vance Ginn is one of the worst people in a state with at least one Ted Cruz.

The Texas Department of State Health Services released more comprehensive data about the state's COVID-19 deaths, and it's depressing and shameful. Before Monday, there were significant gaps in the state's racial and ethnic breakdowns of deaths, but now we know that Hispanic residents are disproportionate victims of COVID-19. They are 40 percent of the population but make up 47 percent of total deaths.

This is terrible news — unless you're a racist monster like Vance Ginn, who sees nothing but upsides. The chief economist for the Texas Public Policy Foundation tweeted this data with a twisted joie de vivre you don't see often see among the human soul having.


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