If you've always dreamed of learning how to be a Junior Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer, without the actual government job, legal authority, or occasional limits imposed by the judiciary, have we got a fun class for you! ICE's Enforcement and Removal Operations (ERO), the division of the agency that arrests and deports people, will be holding a six-week "Citizens Academy" at the agency's Chicago office, coming up in September. That's according to an invitation letter obtained and posted online by the St. Louis Inter-Faith Committee on Latin America; another copy of the same letter was posted to Twitter by immigration attorney Ashley Huebner. Huebner says the letter was sent out via US Citizenship and Immigration Services to an email list of local "stakeholders."

In the letter, ICE Chicago Field Office Director Robert Guadian invites interested locals to sign up for six weeks of training, one day per week, which will help participants

gain insight into the many facets and responsibilities of ICE/ERO operations, and hopefully an awareness and appreciation of the issues our officers face every day in the performance of their duties.

In addition to a thrilling introduction to ERO's Chicago staff, attendees will learn about the "lifecycle of a subject through ERO," which makes immigrants marked for deportation sound like they might as well be migrating salmon. Smart call, since sticking to rivers may throw off the hounds. And there'll be hands-on activities, too!

Attendees will participate in scenario-based training and exercises conducted in a safe and positive environment, including, but not limited to defensive tactics, firearms familiarization, and targeted arrests.

Gosh, we wonder if that'll include a safe and positive look at how ERO agents should scoop up and write a falsified confession for an adult with severe mental disabilities. Or how to trump up evidence and distort a law-abiding DACA recipient's statements so they can fast track him for deportation as a dangerous gangbanger. Possibly a workshop on tracking down DACA recipients who speak out in the media against Trump immigration policies? How about at least an introduction to poring through counselors' notes to find statements detained kids made, thinking their counseling sessions were confidential, to find stuff to use against the kids?

Hold on there, Dok, there's only so much that can be covered in six weeks!