Donald Trump Libelslandering The DACA Kids, So That's A Surprise

You know who's really a 'hardened criminal'? Half his administration!

With the Trump administration's attempt to shut down the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program being argued before the Supreme Court today, the Great Man took the opportunity to tweet about it. Remember how he used to say his "heart just breaks" for the plight of folks who were brought to the US as little kids and through no fault of their own don't have legal status because of their illegally border-crossing parents (who are of course scum)? He even briefly said this about DACA kids, shortly after he decided to end DACA and then found out that wasn't popular.

Trump's opinion of those fine young men and women is as variable as anything else rattling around in his head, so of course this morning he decided the best strategy would be to simply lie through his teeth about DACA recipients:

You know how it is: Sure, they may be cute and innocent-looking when they're young, but whatever country in Mexico they're from Donald Trump knows they're murderers and rapists, they sell drugs, and some, he supposes, are good people, although that last bit is open to revision for the 2020 campaign.

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foreign policy

Drunk At Bar Says US Oughta Invade Mexico Is What We Oughta ... Wait No It Is US Senator Tom Cotton

Hugs not drugs.

A horrible massacre took place in northern Mexico Monday. A drug cartel (probably, but it's not clear which one) murdered three women and six children who belonged to a fundamentalist Mormon-offshoot community in Mexico; the youngest was a 10-month-old baby. The victims, who had dual US-Mexican citizenship, were traveling in a caravan of three cars when they were ambushed by criminal gangs. It's not yet clear, but there's speculation the killings were the result of mistaken identity, just innocent people caught up in a gang war. In any case, the killers kept shooting, then burned the vehicles. Over 200 bullet casings were found on the ground. Seven children who survived the attack were flown across the border to a hospital in Douglas, Arizona.

As with any terrible situation, Donald Trump showed up on Twitter Tuesday morning to make things worse. The solution, he suggested, was to go Full Duterte:

Trump likes to pretend he doesn't like war, but as long as someone else is doing the killing, he sure loves the idea of wiping some people off the face of the earth, and assumes only bad guys would get killed, because he's a fucking idiot who thinks most problems can be solved by killing the right people. After all, if the cartels have no respect for innocent lives, why should we?

War! What is it good for? Guaranteed turnout for a rally, tell you what.

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Ken Cuccinelli Promises Never To Deport Sick Kids To Their Deaths, Unless He Wants To

How reassuring.

Ken Cuccinelli, Donald Trump's (acting) director of US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), said in a congressional hearing Wednesday that he was the person responsible for the unannounced decision in August to send letters to hundreds of critically ill immigrants -- many of them children -- telling them and their families they had 33 days to leave the country or face deportation. At the hearing, held by a subcommittee of House Oversight, Cooch was exactly the same charmer as all those years ago when, as attorney general of Virginia, he wanted to ban buttsex and make all abortion sluts get cozy with a vaginal ultrasound wand, for Jesus.

The hearing was a follow-up to that September fiasco where representatives from USCIS and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) refused to answer any questions about the policy, who had ordered it, or why anyone thought it was a great idea to tell critically ill immigrant kids to leave the USA and please die somewhere else. There was an ongoing lawsuit, you see, so the lower-level dudes couldn't say much of anything. But yesterday, the actual agency heads were there, because Oversight chair Elijah Cummings's last official act on Earth was to send subpoenas to Cuccinelli and to (acting) ICE director Matthew Albence so they'd show up and be accountable.

Didn't mean they had to like being there, though, so both of them started with ritual respects to Cummings, then got on to the business of being as dickish as they could.

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Trade War

Look Under Your Chairs, Fortune's Most Powerful Women! It's A Baby Kirstjen Nielsen Stole From Its Mommy.

Sorry not sorry.

Former Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen appeared yesterday at Fortune magazine's "Most Powerful Women Summit," an event that had lost some participants, like Hillary Clinton and singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile, because who wants to be onstage with an engineer of concentration camps? Fortunately, she was interviewed by "PBS NewsHour" correspondent Amna Nawaz, who didn't let Nielsen get away with any doubletalk -- or rather, tried not to let Nielsen get away with doubletalk, although every effort to fact check the former gulag chief was met by more bafflegab.

The Guardian notes the conference was "attended by people who paid a $13,500 fee to join Fortune's Most Powerful Women membership." Well worth it, since they all got their names listed in a handsome leatherbound book and received a certificate suitable for framing. That kind of thing looks very impressive to college admissions officers, we hear.

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Thank God Donald Trump Is Protecting Us From Lost British Tourists And Their Babies

Finally some shitty immigration enforcement at the Canadian border, eh?

[Story updated with new info, see note at end] A British couple and their 3-month-old baby are getting treated to the full force of immigration law under the Stephen Miller regime after accidentally entering the US on an unmarked back road that crossed the Canada-US border. For over a week, they've been in family immigration prison in Pennsylvania while the wheels of US immigration law slowly work at getting them deported for a wrong turn. Here's how it all went pear-shaped for the Connors family, according to the Washington Post:

Originally from the United Kingdom, the two couples and their three young children were driving near the U.S.-Canada border on Oct. 3 during a visit to Vancouver when an animal ventured into the road, forcing them to make an unexpected detour. But before the family could get very far, flashing lights from a police car appeared in their rearview mirror. The officer that pulled them over was American — they had accidentally crossed the border.

The brave Border Patrol agents ignored the miscreants' excuses that, as British citizens on valid passports, they were OK to visit the US. After all, they didn't cross at a port of entry, so clearly they were terrorists, human smugglers, or worse, maybe. In a complaint the family filed Friday with the Inspector General for the Homeland Security Department, Eileen Connors explained that they were all kept in a freezing, dirty Border Patrol facility, then flown to the Berks Family Residential Center in Leesport, Pennsylvania, and treated like the dangerous criminals they clearly are:

"We will never forget, we will be traumatized for the rest of our lives by what the United States government has done to us," Connors wrote in a sworn statement, later adding, "We have been treated like criminals here, stripped of our rights, and lied to. … It is undoubtedly the worst experience we have ever lived through."

Don't drive on a back road if you and your little baby can't do the time, lady.

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Sorry About Your Trump Slob Picnic, Minneapolis

At least you got that hot mayor.

Donald Trump held another damn campaign rally, this time in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It's notable for being the first Trump Slob Picnic to take place after the House formally started impeachment, and Trump was in full victim mode, ranting about the insane double standard where Democrats want crossing the border without documents to be decriminalized, but also want to criminalize a president just doing his job and having a perfect, casual, beautiful conversation extorting a foreign leader to get dirt on a political opponent. How does that make any sense? Along the way, Trump trashed Minnesota's Somali refugee population, repeated rightwing conspiracy bullshit about Rep. Ilhan Omar -- the rally was held in her district -- and explained that the only reason anyone thinks Joe Biden was a good vice president is that Biden was a boot-licking flunky:

Biden "was never considered smart," Trump said. "He was never considered a good senator. He was only a good vice president because he figured out how to kiss Barack Obama's ass."

How true this is. The real measure of a good vice president is how profusely he praises Donald Trump during Cabinet meetings for having been sent by God to save America.

Cabinet Members Gush Over Trump During Meeting

It's like our beloved Meemaw always said. If you want to excel at the vice presidency, be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

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Well Of Course A Bigot Science Denier Is (Acting At) Running The Bureau Of Land Management

Oh, yes, and he agrees with the Bundy family that the federal government can't own land.

We suppose it shouldn't be the least bit surprising anymore to learn that the Trump administration's pick to be the (acting) director of the Bureau of Land Management turns out to be a standard-issue rightwing wackaloon with a long history of statements claiming science is fake, that immigrants are a "cancer" on America, and that all Muslims are at war with US America. We suspect it may actually be in the job description. Still, we can remember the olden times when that sort of thing might have been a problem for somebody running an entire federal agency. Now, thanks to a CNN backgrounder published yesterday, let's get to know (acting) BLM Director William Perry Pendley, appointed in June by (actual) Interior Secretary David Bernhardt. No, don't get too close, he's frothing at the mouth, and that can't be good.

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Trump's Latest Immigration Bullsh*t: No Health Insurance, No Visa!

Give me your vigorous, your rich ...

In yet another move aimed at restricting LEGAL immigration, the White House announced Friday that immigration visas will be denied to applicants who can't prove they have health insurance, or are at least wealthy enough to pay for any care they're likely to need. The new restrictions were laid out in a proclamation signed by Donald Trump, although the New York Times reports the move was the brainchild of Trump's anti-immigrant Gauleiter, Stephen Miller.

The move will primarily affect people hoping to come to the US to join family members already living here, like say the parents of a Slovenian model whose own work permissions may have once been iffy, but have since been cleared up. (FOR INSTANCE.) That's the kind of "chain migration" Trump and Miller want to crack down on, because only Americans should have families.

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Baby Cages? Child's Play. Let Trump Show You Border Wall Of Razor Blades And Zyklon B

No, it's crazier than that.

Back in March, Donald Trump wanted SOMETHING! DONE! at the US-Mexico border. Like maybe a 2,000-mile moat, with sharks with frickin' lasers on their heads. In a story that still manages to be astonishing even after all we know about the man, the New York Times reported yesterday evening that President Psychopath thinks about border security with all the subtlety and low cunning of a ten-year-old boy devising cool tortures for bad guys. Compared to his murder fantasies, Trump's demand at one meeting to seal the border by noon the next day, regardless of how many Americans might be trapped in Mexico, seems rational and diplomatic.

Just look at this creep:

Privately, the president had often talked about fortifying a border wall with a water-filled trench, stocked with snakes or alligators, prompting aides to seek a cost estimate.

Whoever manages to publish a copy of THAT document deserves the Pulitzer. Which Trump will demand the reporter collect by climbing a pole covered in broken glass and biting flies. Naked.

And of course the fantasy moat wasn't Trump's only cool idea to inflict pain on the evil border crossers:

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US Slashes Refugees. No, Not Like With A Straight Razor. Okay Well Kind Of.

Lowest refugee admissions in modern history = Still too high for Stephen Miller.

The Trump administration announced yesterday that, for the third year in a row, it would be cutting the number of refugees admitted to the US, this time to just 18,000 for fiscal 2020. That's down from a target of 110,000 in 2016, Barack Obama's final year in office (when we actually admitted only 97,000). The cap on refugee admissions is the lowest in modern history, despite an ongoing international refugee crisis that has left almost 71 million people displaced around the world. It's just the latest move in Stephen Miller's agenda of eliminating both legal and illegal immigration.

The administration claims the large number of asylum seekers at the US-Mexico border leaves it no choice but to slash refugee admissions, although refugee admissions and handling asylum requests are totally separate processes. Really, this is about restricting all immigration, and especially about pleasing the racist immigrant-haters who love Trump the most. Anything else the administration says is pure bafflegab.

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Trump Has Secret Plan To Steal MORE Money From Troops For WALL

Only no one in the White House can keep a secret, so we all know about it.

Donald Trump has an exciting new plan to pay for his stupid Fuck You Mexico WALL. After negotiating with Congress to end the shutdown in February and accept just $1.4 billion in WALLbux, Trump promptly turned around and declared a state of emergency to justify raiding military construction funds for another $3.6 billion. Now he's pressing Congressional Democrats to "backfill" the money or else they "hate the troops." At which point, he will steal it again!


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Donald Trump Wants The Hispanics To Vote For Him, Even The Ones Who Look Norwegian

He loves his Hispanics!

Donald Trump traveled to New Mexico Monday night to do a campaign rally in the Albuquerque suburb of Rio Rancho, in hopes of maybe flipping the state where he lost by eight points in 2016. In among the usual stew of lies, Trump offered his own unique pitch to the Latinx voters of the Land of Enchantment: He just LOVES the Hispanics, and they love him! Even the ones who look like white people, such as CNN commentator Steve Cortes, a member of the Trump campaign's Hispanic Advisory Council.

"He happens to be Hispanic, but I never quite figured it out because he looks more like a WASP than I do," Trump said, which is a true statement because Donald Trump looks more like a mutant Oompa Loompa than a WASP.

Then, to top that, Trump asked Cortes if his ethnicity ever got in the way of his Americanism, because "America" and "The Hispanics" are wholly exclusive categories. Then Trump made his own very funny joke!

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Who Needs To Be Shot? Fox News Has Some Ideas!

Our cold dead hands.

Fox News was certainly in a mood to reassure America's gun humpers that guns are good, guns make America good, and if you have a gun, you should definitely use it against anyone you think is a threat, because the Constitution says you get to shoot people. IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION. Which is why, when Beto O'Rourke said he would like to ban and then have a mandatory buyback of certain beloved semiautomatic rifles, then repeated it with a Hell Yes in last Thursday's debate, Fox News talkers on Friday were happy to help their viewers with target selection. They stopped short of threatening Beto O'Rourke himself, but they're very certain there will be a bloodbath if anyone tries to take the guns. If that's not proof that America's responsible gun owners are law abiding, what is?

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USCIS: 'Stop Us, Or More Sick Immigrant Kids Will Survive!'

Let ICE handle it. They'll send a lot more people home to die.

A top Trump immigration official recommended that Homeland Security take away the ability of US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to let seriously ill immigrants to stay in the US, according to a copy of her memo turned up by Politico. The memo, written by USCIS Policy and Strategy Chief Kathy Nuebel Kovarik, lays out several options for (acting) Homeland Security Secretary Kevin McAleenan before requesting that he strip USCIS of any authority to approve "medical deferred action" to prevent deportation of immigrants receiving lifesaving treatment. While the memo isn't signed by Trump's top white nationalist creeper Stephen Miller, Politico doesn't say whether it was tested for traces of his DNA. We have to assume it was still a little sticky when it was delivered to (acting) USCIS director Ken Cuccinelli.

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AOC, Ayanna Hold Hearings On Sick Immigrants. Like ICE And USCIS Gonna Answer Questions From A GIRL

Hey look, we can still be shocked.

The House Oversight subcommittee on civil rights held an emergency hearing Wednesday on the Trump administration's decision last month to try to deport immigrants who are receiving treatment for severe illnesses. The policy change, which came without any announcement or public input, only became known when immigrants got letters telling them their application for "medical deferred action" had been denied and that they had just 33 days to leave the country or face deportation. Leaving the US would be a death sentence for many, since the life-sustaining treatment they need isn't available in their home countries. On Labor Day, US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) issued a notice that it would reconsider some applications, but insisted limiting the deferrals "is appropriate."

Advocates for the relatively small program, along with two people who received the go-home-and-die letters, testified about the very real consequences of ending the medical deferrals. But officials from USCIS and from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), which is supposedly taking over administration of such deferrals, didn't offer any clear answers. Republicans on the subcommittee used their time to argue the whole hearing was a waste of time, because what about the INVASION AT BORDER, huh?

The Washington Post summed up the few facts that could be pried out of the two government witnesses:

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This Little Bahamian Girl Survived The Hurricane And You Already Guessed What Trump's Monsters Did Next!

Do you feel safer, America?

We sure wish we could be surprised by the Miami Herald's report that a 12-year-old Bahamian girl who fled the destruction caused by Hurricane Dorian was taken from her family and put into a shelter for "unaccompanied alien children" this week. And now the girl's mother can't get her out. But of course that happened. The family isn't Norwegian, now is it?

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