Donald Trump Ends Asylum, Stephen Miller Sad We're Not Shooting Refugees Yet
New rule: Asylum only for Russian workers at Trump resorts. Maybe Norwegians, too, we'll see.
The Trump administration is rolling out some truly evil fuckery on immigration today, rewriting how the US considers the cases of people asking for asylum at the southern border. In essence, the new directive will trash the asylum laws as written by Congress so that only people applying for asylum after crossing the border at an official port of entry will be considered. Those crossing outside ports of entry will be far more likely to be subject to immediate deportation. The new rules, expected to go into effect almost immediately, are likely to be challenged in court the moment they're implemented, since the Executive branch is attempting to override established law. Trump apparently figures his Supreme Court will let him do whatever he wants, and with his new crowd of creeps, he might even be right, who knows?
BLUE WAVE, Y'ALL! Wonkagenda For Fri., Nov. 09, 2018
Everybody hates Matthew Whittaker, ANOTHER Florida recount, and Tucker Carlson clutches his pearls. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Jim Acosta: American Hero. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Nov. 8, 2018
Another mass shooting, the White House revokes Jim Acosta's press pass, and House Republicans start stabbing each other in the face. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Border Patrol Axes Today's El Paso 'Crowd Control' 'Exercise,' Nothing To See Here, Move Along
And who the fuck thought it was a good idea in the first place?
US Customs and Border Protection has decided maybe election day isn't such a great day to practice Border Patrol "crowd control" techniques in the west Texas town of El Paso after all. Or specifically, after Texas and national media brought attention to the exercise with a unified, incredulous, "WHAT EVEN THE FUCK?"
Mind you, it was a routine exercise, the sort of thing law enforcement agencies do routinely, although maybe what's not routine is a very public show of force in a border town ON ELECTION DAY, at the end of a campaign in which Donald Trump has been hyping fears of a "caravan" of asylum-seekers who won't arrive for weeks. Oh, yeah, and in the home town of Beto O'Rourke, the Democratic nominee for US Senate. Other than THAT, it was a perfectly routine training operation.
Trump Ad Saying Everything Laura Ingraham Says Nightly Somehow Too Racist For Fox
Yup.
We have finally come to the paradoxical point where Trump did something so racist, even racists are attempting to distance themselves from the diabolical nonsense. When the "Migrant Caravan Ad" first dropped, CNN (probably realizing the media has hired enough racists) immediately declined to play that bullshit on air, because, hey, who even wants to see that shit? Well, unfortunately for us, NBC decided we really really wanted to see it during Sunday Night Football, but they were DEAD WRONG and regretted it. Because we dragged them. But we are now saved from having to see the "Hispanic Willie Horton" ad ever again, even on Fox News, because they BANNED it. Even Facebook banned it, and we all know they love doing the opposite of what's right, so, this is pretty stunning.
From the New York Times:
"NBC and Facebook, both of which had run the ad over the weekend, reversed course after a backlash on Monday and announced that the commercial would be removed, saying it fell short of their in-house advertising standards. CNN had refused to air the ad from the start, calling it "racist."
First of all, BOTH NBC and Facebook ought to be ashamed that they keep helping Trump spread hate -- NBC with nonstop coverage of his rallies, and Facebook literally giving our data to his campaign. After all the help they gave him, and all the shit they got for it since 2016, why the ever-loving fuck did they let this ad run in the first place? CNN obviously learned some shit this year, and chose to act right in the first place. Good.
Steve King Finishes Campaign By Reminding Voters That Nazis Hate Fags
Hey you guys, did you hear Steve King is kiiiiind of a Nazi?
Rep. Steve King of Iowa is mad and he's not gonna take it anymore! Back in the old days, he was allowed to Nazi around all he wanted without ever being held accountable, because after all, as former House Speaker John Boehner said, some of the Republicans in Congress are Nazis and that's just how it is. Now he's been facing a backlash just because he said a bunch of Nazi stuff to a Nazi shitrag in Austria while on a trip funded by a Holocaust memorial group. UNFAIR!
The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) has been all up King's ass, saying it condemns him for his flagrant Nazi-ing, and even companies like Land O' Lakes announced they would stop lathering up Steve King's body with the sweet butter of campaign donations. Meanwhile, King's opponent in IA-04, Democrat J.D. Scholten, has been running a really good race and polls show he may be nipping at King's heels! Could King go down in electoral flames today? IF THERE IS A GOD, HE WILL.
So King knew he had to get back to the basics and reassure Iowa voters and Iowa cows (who aren't 'posed to vote, actually) that he has their best interests in mind, and he knows their best interests are LOL GAY JOKES ARE SO FUNNY BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT IS STILL 1995.
ELECTION DAY! Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 6, 2018
Get your ass to the polls after you read your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Kris Kobach Has A Black Staffer, So Forget About His White Nationalist Friends!
Ummmmm, okay.
Sit down, Wonkers, we have some sad news. It looks as if Kansas's favorite votefucker Kris Kobach may be just a wee smidge racist. The Guardian dug through Kobach's campaign finance disclosures, and produced a list of all the people who are SUPER PROUD TO BE WHITE and also super proud to donate to Kobach's gubernatorial bid. Check out these winners!
There's Peter Brimelow, founder of the white nationalist group VDare which seeks to preserve America as a bastion of white culture and protect it from degradation by non-white immigrants and Jews. The site, which has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, is named for Virginia Dare, the first white baby born to English colonists who disappeared with the whole Roanoke colony. Leave aside the irony of a bunch of lunatics screaming about illegal immigration under the banner of an immigrant child whose entire culture disappeared 400 years ago because they couldn't hack it in this country. Kobach was endorsed by Brimelow to be Trump's vice president -- so it's a safe bet that the guy obsessed with that dead white baby thinks Kris Kobach bats for Team Racist.
Don't Boo, Vote! Wonkagenda For Mon., Nov. 5, 2018
Trump makes the midterms about scary brown people, and Republicans have a white nationalist problem. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Donald Trump Just Wants To Shoot Refugees *For Freedom*, Is That So Wrong?
Operation Migrant Panic isn't going to launch itself!
Donald Trump isn't just sending more troops to the border than are currently deployed in Afghanistan, all for the sake of "protecting" America from a bunch of migrants fleeing violence (who are still weeks away, in an ever-dwindling caravan). Oh gosh no. After the "distracting" murders at a synagogue by a fellow white supremacist and the mail bombs sent by Trump's biggest fan, Trump needed some heavy-duty pandering to make sure his base got right back into Immigration Panic mode, so he went on the teevee and announced Operation Constant Erection, and during a half-hour waste of time on national cable news, promised to shoot some of those awful caravaners if they were to get of line.
James O'Keefe Caught Beto's People Feeding The Hungry, And Ted Cruz Is PISSED
These staffers are so fucking Christ-like you're gonna throw up.
BREAKING NEWS THAT IS BREAKING AND WILL MAKE ALL TEXAS VOTERS CRY AND BEG TED CRUZ FOR FORGIVENESS FOR EVER THINKING OF VOTING FOR THAT FINE-ASS BETO O'ROURKE.
Beto's campaign staff has been caught trying to feed the hungry.
No listen, it's worse than that. They were trying to feed the MEXICAN hungry. And the HONDURAN hungry. Fuckin' liberals, thinking people should get to eat food, even if they don't press "1" for English.
Because we are currently being instructed by Dear Leader to shit our pants over a caravan of migrants that's currently a thousand miles away -- and we're sending maybe as many as 15,000 active duty military personnel to the border to do God fuckin' knows what, even though the military itself is like "Dude, this is dumb as shit" -- the time was ripe for Dildo McLubeBoat AKA James O'Keefe to drop another one of his highly edited videos, which purports to expose that BETO IS BUYING UBERS AND LOBSTERS AND THOSE CAKES THEY LIKE FOR THE ENTIRE CARAVAN, AND THEN HE'S GOING TO TAKE YOUR GUNS AND GIVE THEM TO THE CARAVAN SO THEY CAN SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE WITH YOUR OWN GUNS, AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Or, you know, maybe it's not that.
Don Lemon Unfairly Suggests White People Focus On Who's Actually Killing Them
Boy, is he uppity!
CNN's Don Lemon callously disrupted all the racial harmony we've enjoyed in Donald Trump's America when he declared Monday that "white men are the devil." No, actually, he didn't pull a Louis Farrakhan, to invoke a familiar bogeyman. He just stated inconvenient facts.
LEMON: I keep trying to point out to people and not to demonize any one group or any one ethnicity. But we keep thinking that the biggest terror threat is something else, someone, people who are marching, you know, towards the border, like it's imminent. So, we have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them. There is no travel ban on them. There is no ban on -- you know, they had the Muslim ban. There is no white guy ban. So what do we do about that?
Naturally, this caused all the people who don't see race to suddenly see theirs and feel attacked and "demonized." Welcome to the club. The DJ in the "Stop and Frisk" room is playing some early Britney Spears. Lemon isn't suggesting we actually "ban" white men. If we did that, who'd tell us our opinions are wrong? He's just pointing out that Americans tend to exaggerate perceived threats, presuming the worst in those who don't look or worship like them. America just suffered the deadliest anti-Semitic attack in US history, following a terrifying period when a deranged Trump supporter mailed out explosive devices to prominent Democrats including more than one former president. How does the current president respond? He rants about possible rock-wielding immigrants. We have seen the enemy, and we refuse to accept it's us.
Trump's Spy Machine Stalking Twitter For 'Insurrection'
There's a military social media spy machine, and the Trump administration hid it.
The Trump administration is scraping social media in order to spy on anti-Trump protests, but that's not all! Curiously vague updates to the new defense doctrine give the military more authority to act in the event of "emergencies," like an insurrection or an invasion of taco trucks. With such broad tools you'd think a definitely not racist person like Trump might find a way to stop a mass murder or two.
Motherboard reports that when the Trump administration took office it inherited a fancy new computer to spy on the social media of Not America. It didn't take long for someone to wonder if it could be used to spy on all the communists who didn't vote for Trump. The Army cut some nerds a check to follow the 2016 post-election protests, like at the inauguration, the airport protests, and the Women's March. They found that whenever people wear their pink pussy hats and march in the streets they usually post a lot on social media. The report concluded that by cyber stalking social networks, you can predict the likelihood of violent protests.
After realizing what neat little toys the Obama administration had been cooking up, the Intelligence Advanced Research Projects Activity (IARPA) took its social media spy machine, called Embers, and moved it to the private sector. Safely hidden from the prying eyes of pesky FOIAs, the Trump administration can simply pay someone else do the legally dubious and dirty work of spying on Americans.
'Consider It A Rifle.' Wonkagenda For Fri., Nov. 2, 2018
They want to have a massacree. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Caravan ​Bebes​ Finally Get Chance To Dance And Play
Shut up fuck you we're not crying you're crying.
NBC News brings us an important update on the threat posed to America by the caravan of asylum-seeking Honduran and Guatemalan migrants slowly making its way north, still some 900 miles and weeks away from the US-Mexico border. There are children among the families fleeing violence in their home countries, and children, being children, don't give a fig for US racial panics that have been weaponized to boost rightwing turnout. Children want to play.
Very Serious Journalists Wonder What Would Trump Do, Asking For Jesus
Thou shalt not commit idolatry. Unless it's for a good cause.
Clearly, the heathens at this here mommyblog have been doing this journalism thing all wrong! Apparently, we're supposed to wait and see which immoral narcissist Jesus appoints as our nation's leader, then prostrate ourselves before his graven image. And if we are so blessed as to find ourselves in his sacred presence, we must offer up prayers of exaltation. And never, ever release the transcript, which might subject His Grace to ridicule for his saintly inability to string together five cogent words. Plus it's probably best to keep all that bearing of false witness under wraps. Anyway, hosanna!
Luckily, we have the media titans at the Christian Broadcasting Network to show us how it's done. Yesterday CBN's David Brody and Jenna Browder sat down on Air Force One for a very serious interview with the Pussygrabber in Chief.
He is the energizer president, going from rally to rally with just days left before the midterm elections. The mainstream media have been saying for months a big blue Democrat wave is coming to wash over Trump and his party. But aboard Air Force One in his private office, the president told CBN News that he's not buying it.
"Well I think the blue wave is dead, frankly. And I think we're doing very well. It looks like we're going to win the Senate which is very important," President Trump said.
Ah yes, the indefatigable Donald Trump, whose presidential schedule includes a whole three hours of work today. With a break in the middle for lunch, naturally. Please, tell us more about this tireless warrior!
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