Trump
If You Won’t Say ‘Chinese Virus,’ You’re Just Not Serious About Stopping This Pandemic!
Could Trump deliver war and pestilence all in the same year?
March 19, 2020 09:05 AM
When the economy's in the toilet during an election year, voters usually pick a Democrat to clean up the mess and deliver some sweet, sweet socialist-adjacent domestic policy. That happened in 1992 and 2008. Donald Trump had hoped enough money would rain from the sky to make voters forget he was impeached for extorting a foreign country to smear Joe Biden, his now certain Democratic opponent. Yes, that does seem like a billion years ago, but the only reason it's no longer at the top of our minds is because Trump's incompetence unleashed a plague on all our houses.
Republicans probably realize they're going to have their asses handed to them unless they can pull a 2004 and make Trump a “wartime president." (No really, he called himself that yesterday.) You can't replace a president when we're at war -- even if he tanks the stock market whenever he speaks publicly. It's important to Trump's re-election that voters believe the reason they're all broke and under house arrest has absolutely nothing to do with how he bungled the response to coronavirus. No, fault lies with the Chinese, who deliberately infected us and took away baseball. In the real world, China is as much a victim of the coronavirus as the American people, but Trump -- who's never liked the Chinese -- believes they're a good scapegoat for his obvious failings. He calls the coronavirus “the Chinese virus," and he doesn't think the Chinese mind at all!! (He's wrong.) This is like the “freedom fries" debacle, but with an extra heaping of racism added to the xenophobia.
<p>Trump wasn't the only one to put on the white hood. Other conservative thinkers have started using the term “Chinese virus." When Democrats and the “liberal media" pointed out the blatant racism, his defenders argued <em>again</em> that this would only inspire Trump to even greater victory because Americans always rally behind someone accused of repulsive bigotry. </p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
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Ben Shapiro, who people named Ben Shapiro think is very smart, claimed China “unleashed coronavirus on an unsuspecting world." I'm not sure how “unsuspecting" the world was of the coronavirus considering China kindly broadcasted its devastating effects as it ravaged their own people first. I guess we're supposed to think the Chinese are simultaneously callous and stupid enough to workshop a biological weapon on themselves first before sending it on a worldwide tour. That seems <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl8WjoE79Wo" target="_blank">needlessly complicated. </a></p><p>Someone at the White House reportedly referred to the coronavirus as the “Kung-Flu" -- while <a href="https://twitter.com/weijia/status/1239923246801334283" target="_blank">talking to CBS reporter Weijia Jiang</a>. Almost <a href="https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/" target="_blank">9,000 people</a> have died in China from the coronavirus. That's three 9/11s. I think Americans might've been touchy about officials in foreign governments coming up with “funny" names for the terrorist attacks just a few weeks later.</p><p>Kellyanne Conway, one of the worst people ever, played the husband card Wednesday when confronted about the “Kung-Flu" remark. She demanded reporters tell <em>her</em> who the racist was at the White House -- specifically the racist who said “Kung-Flu" because you can't speak in generalities when discussing racists at the White House.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
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<strong>CONWAY: </strong>I'd like to know who it is. I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals. I'm married to an Asian.</blockquote><p>Sweet Christ.</p><blockquote><strong>CONWAY: </strong>My kids are ... partly.</blockquote><p>Whew! </p><p>George Conway, who has terrible taste in human mates, was born in Boston, Massachusetts. He's the kind of “no identity politics" conservative who'd make that <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/george-conway-trump-is-a-racist-president/2019/07/15/b13c0bd4-a740-11e9-9214-246e594de5d5_story.html" target="_blank">distinction.</a> His mother was born in the Philippines, which is not China. They wouldn't know what the fuck a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYSt8K8VP6k" target="_blank">"Kung-Flu"</a> is. </p><p>Racial slurs and othering is also useful when you're planning to wage war against a country recovering from a viral outbreak. Conservatives are now openly blaming China with the likely hope that Americans won't blame Trump at the ballot box.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1240346408680636416" id="twitter-embed-1240346408680636416" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1240346408680636416&created_ts=1584556603.0&screen_name=JesseKellyDC&text=I+am+blaming.+I%E2%80%99m+blaming+China+for+producing+it%2C+covering+it+up%2C+lying+about+it%2C+then+using+American+eunuchs+cryin%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FkNKAeiMMJc&id=1240346408680636416&name=Jesse+Kelly" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="29bf90a4d555e40cb6d25ec51bbc0b24"></iframe>
</p><p>“Producing" the coronavirus implies scientists in secret labs creating a weapon. Last week, Senator Tom Cotton <a href="https://www.commondreams.org/news/2020/03/12/warmonger-tom-cotton-openly-threatens-china-claims-beijing-inflicted-coronavirus" target="_blank">said</a> America will hold China “accountable" for “inflicting" the coronavirus on the land of the free. Conservatives are even borrowing from the “radical Islam" playbook and <a href="https://twitter.com/AnthonyAbides/status/1240341896851046402?s=20" target="_blank">suggesting</a> that overly PC liberals who make a fuss about the “Chinese virus" are soft on pandemics. </p><p>It really does feel like we're building up to a war. Conservatives need something to shoot and a virus is too small. The good news is that no annoying liberals can protest the war. They'll all be sheltering in place.</p><p><em>Follow Stephen Robinson on </em><em><a href="https://twitter.com/SER1897" target="_blank">Twitter.</a></em><br>
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Impeachment
Appeals Court Says Congress Exists, Can See Whatever Mueller Grand Jury Sh*t It Wants
Still impeaching the motherfucker forever!
March 11, 2020 01:29 PM
Know how we are impeaching Donald Trump forever a whole bunch of times, even though we already did it once? Well!
A three-judge panel on the DC Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday that the House of Representatives absolutely is entitled to see the redacted Rule 6(e) grand jury information in Bill Barr's heavily redacted Mueller Report. They ruled this way even though Trump has already been impeached (once), noting that the House Judiciary Committee in its impeachment report specifically said that despite the adoption of two Ukraine-related articles of impeachment, its impeachment investigation continues.
You'll remember just last week a judge popped Attorney General Bill Barr right on his roly-poly fanny, for being such a liar about what was in the Mueller Report. We only note that to make clear that this is a different case about a different thing. That's a FOIA case. This is the House's case, again, for the grand jury information in the Mueller Report. District Court Judge Beryl Howell ruled for the House several months back.
Among the questions the House seeks to answer: Did Trump lie to Mueller in his written answers, particularly about whether he had foreknowledge of the Russian WikiLeaks releases from Roger Stone? Yes, or OMG yes?
Now you might be curious to know who these three appeals court judges are — are they NOBUMMER JUDGES, which, in Trump's America, are obviously illegal? No, actually! One of the panel, Judith Rogers, who wrote the ruling, is a total lib Clinton appointee. However, the guy who concurred with her, Thomas Griffith, is a conservative appointed by Gee Dubya Bush.
The dissenting judge was problematic weirdass idiot Trump appointee Neomi Rao. This appointment is Rao's first time at judging, but she has written several articles defending "dwarf-tossing," so hashtag BEST PEOPLE! Rao has really been working hard to protect Donald Trump and keep him firmly esconced above the law, particularly regarding his financials. In short, she's pretty great. (Elections have consequences, especially on the question of "Who gets to be judge?" VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO, ASSHOLES.)
<p>In oral arguments back in October, Trump's Department of Justice lawyers <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/trump-declares-entire-family-and-all-their-businesses-above-the-law-doj-agrees" target="_blank">advanced</a> some novel "legal" theories, on top of their <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/white-house-impeachment-letter-almost-as-good-as-letter-diamond-and-silk-sent-wonkette" target="_blank">longrunning "legal" theory</a> that Congress does not exist and is therefore not Donald Trump's real dad. They said, in so many words, that NIXON GOT A RAW DEAL GRRR ARGH! and that if the famous Watergate road map case, <em><a href="https://casetext.com/case/haldeman-v-sirica" target="_blank">Haldeman v. Sirica,</a></em><a href="https://casetext.com/case/haldeman-v-sirica"></a> had happened in the modern times, it would have gone differently because of how everything has changed.</p><p>They forgot to explain how everything has changed.</p><p>"Wow, OK," Judge Beryl Howell said several months back, to the DOJ lawyer who said that out loud with their mouth. Rogers's majority opinion at the appeals court can also be shortly summarized as "Wow, OK."</p><p>She notes in her ruling that Robert Mueller's very report states that it was prepared "with the expectation that Congress would review it," and he meant <em>all of it</em>. She writes that his report "stopped short of making any 'ultimate conclusions about the President's conduct,'" because of how Congress is the one with the "sole power of impeachment." (Which means Congress exists! And is Trump's real dad!) She says, citing much precedent, that district courts "are to hand off all relevant materials to Congress without micromanaging the evidence." In other words, if Congress is doing an impeachment investigation, that is a judicial proceeding, and if Congress needs the evidence, then GIVE THEM IT.</p><p>Rogers quotes the <em>Sirica</em> Watergate Road Map case, which said the public must be assured Congress is doing an "unswervingly fair inquiry based on <em>all the pertinent information.</em>" She cites the 11th Circuit in the impeachment of Judge (now Congressman) Alcee Hastings, which wrote that "without full access to the grand jury materials, the public may not have confidence that the Congress considered all relevant evidence."</p><p>As for the dissent, well, you know! It's <em>pretty great</em>.</p><p>While her colleagues cited LOTS and LOTS of precedent, Judge Neomi Rao cited a dead rat in the corner wearing a MAGA hat. OK, we are just fooling, but she is <em>very concerned</em> about whether the District Court actually has the authority to give grand jury information to Congress. She also argues that while the House may have the sole power of impeachment, the <em>Senate</em> is the true "court" of impeachment, therefore the House's ongoing impeachment investigation is not really a "judicial proceeding" of the kind that requires the Court hand over grand jury information. Moreover, she says the Senate ACQUITTED TRUMP 4EVERANDEVER! therefore NO IMPEACH, NO IMPEACH, YOU ARE THE IMPEACH!<em></em></p><p>Judge Griffith's entire concurring opinion is about calling Rao an idiot, but in much nicer and professional judicial terms than Wonkette uses.</p><p>It's not all over yet: The Department of Justice might ask for an <em>en banc</em> hearing at the appeals court, or it might appeal directly to the Supreme Court. But even the Trump Supreme Court would have a hard time ruling against the House on this one, since the only thing they can really cite is Neomi Rao's rat in the MAGA hat, whereas everything in the majority's ruling is, like, actual law.</p><p>One of these days we're going to get to the full truth! And Congress might get there sooner than we think. </p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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2020 Congressional Elections
Donald Trump Endorses Jeff Sessions For Loser Of Alabama Senate Primary Runoff
Somewhere, Coretta Scott King is pointing and laughing.
March 11, 2020 09:29 AM
The moment Jeff Sessions shamelessly debased himself to avoid finally came. Tuesday, Donald Trump officially endorsed Tommy Tuberville in the runoff election on March 31. Tuberville has greatly impressed Trump with his bold platform of not being Jeff Sessions.
Trump reminded voters that Tuberville was once a "terrific" head football coach at Auburn University, and although this makes Tuberville more qualified for political office than Trump himself, that's a very low bar. Every line of Trump's endorsement is a not-so-subtle dig at Sessions: Tuberville is "a REAL LEADER who will never let MAGA/KAG, or our Country down," unlike Sessions who betrayed Trump when he remained loyal to his oath of office.
<p>The president contends that Tuberville is a "winner" and by extension Sessions is a big loser. Data actually supports this assertion. Tuberville is currently stomping the guts out of Sessions in runoff <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/486751-tuberville-has-double-digit-lead-over-former-ag-sessions-in-alabama-gop" target="_blank">polls.</a> He has a double digit lead over the racist elf, whose approval among his former constituents has steadily declined during the primary race. Sessions made a compelling case that he was a good and faithful Trump sycophant, but GOP voters aren't buying it. </p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
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</p><p>Sessions has tried to paint Tuberville as a <a href="https://www.al.com/news/2020/03/florida-man-or-alabamas-next-senator-tubervilles-residency-roils-campaign.html" target="_blank">“carpetbagger"</a> who was voting for lousy Republican candidates in Florida just a couple years ago. Tuberville does own properties along the Florida Panhandle (someone has to) and two condos in Panama City Beach. </p><p>From <a href="https://www.al.com/news/2020/03/florida-man-or-alabamas-next-senator-tubervilles-residency-roils-campaign.html" target="_blank">AL.com:</a></p><blockquote>"Tuberville claims to be an 'outsider' in this race," said Jon Jones, campaign manager for Sessions. "Well, he is an outsider – Tuberville lives, votes and still pays taxes in Florida. He's a Florida man."</blockquote><p>Tuberville doesn't have a long-form birth certificate from Alabama, but he and his wife, Suzanne, are registered voters in the state and have owned a home in Auburn since 2017. Alabama law only requires that a Senate candidate is 30 years old, a registered Alabama voter, and a state resident for a <em>whole day. </em>That more than meets the requirements to deny Sessions his old job.</p><p>In fairness to Tuberville, coaches often have to move around a lot, and in exchange for the nomadic life, they make an absurd amount of money. (The players whose labor colleges exploit earn jack shit.) He received a $5.1 million buyout from the Auburn Tigers in 2008. That was a sweet deal because he quit, and Auburn wasn't contractually obligated to give him a dime or even a going-away party. Sessions released a “gotcha" ad featuring Tuberville at Santa Rosa Beach, which he describes as a “great place to live." The narrator cannily observes, “Florida? Not Alabama," which is true. That and Disney World are the main attractions. <br></p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-youtube">
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</p><p>This line of attack is hilarious but desperate and unlikely to prevent Sessions's public humiliation at the polls in a few weeks. Trump might not return to Washington DC next year, but he's going to make damn sure Sessions doesn't, either. </p><p><em>Follow Stephen Robinson on </em><em><a href="https://twitter.com/SER1897" target="_blank">Twitter.</a></em></p><p><strong>Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Trump
President Petty McNoPants Bails On Pelosi's St. Patrick's Day Lunch
This is a gift to everyone else in attendance.
March 09, 2020 09:45 AM
It should surprise no one that Donald Trump is skipping the annual St. Patrick's Day lunch Thursday and blaming his arch-nemesis, Nancy Pelosi. Trump is petty and lacking in the simplest grace. He can't even put aside his differences with Pelosi long enough to enjoy some corned beef and cabbage. The speaker of the House traditionally hosts the lunch at the Capitol. The taoiseach (a fancy word for prime minister) of Ireland even shows up. It's a big party, but Trump wants no part of it because Pelosi is dead to him.
White House spokesman Judd Deere released the following statement, roughly translated into English from pidgin Drama Queen.
"Since the Speaker has chosen to tear this Nation apart with her actions and her rhetoric, the President will not participate in moments where she so often chooses to drive discord and disunity, and will instead celebrate the rich history and strong ties between the United States and Ireland at the White House on March 12. The relationship between our two countries has never been stronger, and the President looks forward to welcoming the Prime Minister of Ireland for the annual Shamrock Bowl presentation."
Leo Varadkar is prime minister of Ireland. It's a given he'll have more fun with Pelosi than Trump. She was delightful at last year's luncheon, while our illegitimate president was clearly miserable. He refused to laugh at Pelosi's jokes, which meant he just sat there like Grumpy Cat while everyone else laughed because Pelosi is awesome. Trump wasn't the life of that party, so it's not like anyone's enjoyment will suffer from his absence. Most likely the opposite will occur. Trump will have to sit at home knowing that Pelosi is killing.
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</p><p style="">House Speaker Tip O'Neill hosted the first St. Patrick's Day lunch in 1983. It was intended to <a href="https://time.com/5799272/trump-st-patricks-day-luncheon/" target="_blank">"ease tensions"</a> between O'Neill and fellow Irish-American Ronald Reagan. The lunch became an annual event in 1987 and sitting presidents have missed it only under extreme circumstances: <a href="https://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1997/03/14/clinton.knee/" target="_blank">Bill Clinton</a> had to beg off in 1997 because he'd just had knee surgery. George W. Bush in 2003 probably thought it was inappropriate to attend just a few weeks before his stupid invasion of Iraq. Normally, the vice president subs for the absent chief executive, but Mike Pence is not scheduled to attend, either. That master strategist Trump covered all the bases!</p><p style="">Pelosi also had words for Trump, courtesy of her deputy chief of staff, Drew Hammill, and they are epic words. </p><blockquote>"There has never been stronger support in the Congress and in the country for the U.S.-Ireland bilateral relationship. One would think that the White House could set petty, partisan politics aside for this historic occasion."</blockquote><p style="">Trump refuses to <a href="https://youtu.be/fb5Xi6FKCag?t=30" target="_blank">"drink with thine enemy."</a> He's like a Klingon but with no honor and worse makeup. I'm sure his supporters will see this as a demonstration of his much vaunted "authenticity" rather than the rank cowardice it actually is. Personally, I almost wish Pelosi had held the luncheon without Trump all along. If our democracy functioned properly, Trump would've been removed from office for all his obvious and sundry offenses against the nation. Beating his impeachment charges isn't like winning an election, which he's yet to <em>honestly</em> do. There's no reason to grant Trump all the niceties his farce of a presidency doesn't deserve. I get though that Pelosi is an institutionalist. Still, if Trump refused to attend any social gathering where Pelosi is present, maybe he would've finally <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/pelosi-dowd-two-white-chicks-gabbing-about-concentration-camps-over-brunch" target="_blank">"self-impeached"</a> himself. That's worth cracking open some Guinness to celebrate. </p><p style="">[<a href="https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2020/03/08/scoop-trump-skipping-annual-bipartisan-capitol-lunch-488503" target="_blank">Politico</a>]</p><p><em>Follow Stephen Robinson on </em><em><a href="https://twitter.com/SER1897" target="_blank">Twitter.</a></em></p><p style=""><strong>Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.</strong></p><p style=""></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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