Important Updates Regarding Where Your Wonket Empire Launch Party Will Be, And What Kind Of Beer Will Be Free
Hola dudes! The other daywe told you we are launching a new website so we can finally have an Empire all of our own, and it is called HappyNiceTimePeople.com and also fuck you! "We will have a party, in Boston," we said (paraphrase, it's hot in here, too lazy to look it up), "and we will have it somewhere!" Well now we actually know where it is! And also, too, who is buying our beer!
First, the dudes from DigBoston are throwing our party, because we met them in Miami and said "oh, we ate acid with your boy Chris Faraone while we were at the DNC" and that is how you get people to throw you a party.
Second, the dudes from DigBoston called their dudes at Heineken, and that is who is buying our beer! Yay, we love Heineken! Although apparently the dudes from DigBoston don't have dudes at Bulleit :( Do you have dudes at Bulleit? Can you call them for us? Cool, thanks.
Third, the party is Sat., Sept. 14, 6 p.m., at the Tap, which we keep wanting to call the Pitch or the Pit, but it is not the Pitch or the Pit, it is the Tap, and we are told we can have FIGHTS there! And maybe there will be vomit! Probably, it will be ours, because of how we will be mixing bourbon and beer!
And there you have it, come meet your Editrix, Snipy, and Doktor Zoom, and then watch us throw up.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.