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Incompetent D.C. Government Crooked (Also: PBR)

Wonkabout

It's been a while since we've explored the backwards world that is D.C. politics, so here goes: Some five months ago, when bike lanes and education were still the rage, Adrian Fenty, champion of white-people causes, was Mayor of D.C. But one can only get so far when backed by the PBR lobby, and so he was replaced by Vincent Gray who,it turns out, (allegedly) paid another man to try to undermine Fenty's campaign in return for a job. Whoops! In some circles this is illegal/ generally not a good idea. But let's focus on the more important things. D.C. has a new PBR dispensary: Touchdown on U Street.


D.C. may be well on its way to being “One City” plagued by corporation, cronyism, et cetera and so forth, but PBR is reasonably priced at this new sports bar on U Street.

Can you figure out what is missing from this wall at Touchdown? (Hint: There are 14 other ones in the bar.) That's right! It needs a fifteenth teevee here, for the sports.

Pretty soon, we're going to run out of things to put in mac and cheese. Maybe. Please? Though this combination works surprisingly well.

Look at those teevees in all their glory. But what is that beneath the teevee? Could that be art? While you take refuge in the bar for hours on the nicest of spring days, to watch football, cricket, dodge ball, or the exotic anti-American sport known as soccer, at least there will be some nice art nestled in the glare of flatscreen teevee for you to enjoy.

Touchdown opens today with 25% off all drafts, rail drinks, and food. They will also be offering other specials to mark the ancient celebration of boobs, beads, and booze affectionately referred to as “Fat Tuesday.”

Touchdown, 1334 U St. NW, Washington, DC 20009, 202-265-0708

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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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