Indiana County Clerk Just Wants To Be Super Duper Sure About This Gay Marriage Thing


You may have heard the obscure news that the Supreme Court recently told several states, including Indiana, that the justices really don't want to hear any more whining about gay marriage, but did they really mean it? For some county clerks in Indiana, it just isn't that clear.

Boone County Clerk Penny Bogan, for example, says she's just going to hold off on issuing marriage licenses to gay couples until she receives further instruction from the state's attorney general and the county attorney, whose authority far outweighs that of the Supreme Court. If only the attorney general would send her some sort of letter telling her that yes, it is okay to go ahead and do that now. Besides this letter, obviously:

As an update to yesterday’s message, the Office of Attorney General wanted to notify you that we have just received the official mandate from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals. That means that the stay of the injunction has been lifted and as mentioned below county clerks will be prohibited from denying marriage licenses to same sex couples so long as all other marriage license requirements are met.

But gosh, that sure is vague and unclear, isn't it? Not for the majority of counties in Indiana that have started issuing licenses, but since the letter did not say "YES, PENNY, I'M TALKING TO YOU," she will continue to wait until she can "make sure everything is good to go" because she "took an oath of office to uphold any laws that come through."

Also, too, it is a very busy time in her office because of the election and everything.

"Any time we’re running an election or any other clerk’s duties, it’s a hectic time," she said. It's not like she can handle the money, drive the car, talk on the phone, run an election, and issue marriage licenses all at the same time, man.

Besides, she's only thinking of the gays. Really.

“I think that most people realize that we don’t want to have couples coming in, applying, and then being turned away again,” Bogan said.

She "hopes" to start issuing marriage licenses to gay couples by the end of the week, even though the state already revamped its application process on Wednesday, but maybe she just needs another 48 hours or so to make sure the state is, like, serious about that too.

This is certainly not one of those cases where she's intentionally avoiding the whole gay marriage issue, maybe crossing her fingers that Justice Kennedy will issue another revised order saying never mind? Or maybe she's exactly the kind of hero Mike Huckabee was calling on to save America with a little very polite anarchy, when he said recently that Real American Patriotic American Patriots should simply say, "We appreciate your opinion, court" but you can take your judicial activist throat-cramming and cram it down your own throats because "No, I’m not going to enforce that."

Or maybe Bogan's just really bad at reading comprehension and even though the state's attorney general did write to her that "county clerks will be prohibited from denying marriage licenses," she would understand that better if it were conveyed with semaphore flags and some interpretative dance.


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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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