Inferno To Turn La-La Land Libs To The Right?
You might think that the quickly-spreading wildfires in southern California are a bad thing for everybody. But as is always the case when homes go up in flames and half a million people are sent terrified into shelters and camps, there's an upside for the Republican Party!
As respected and not-at-all-demented radio personality Glenn Beck pointed out, "I think there is a handful of people who hate America. Unfortunately for them, a lot of them are losing their homes in a forest fire today." So true, Glenn! But we think the fire is going to burn the America-hate right out of them. Because who's going to help protect these limousine liberals from the righteous fire consuming their drug stashes and gay S&M dens? The military, obviously -- the same armed, terrifying military whose Iraq-freeing mission Southern Californians have been conspicuously failing to support for years. As our soldiers liberate subdivision after subdivision of million-dollar homes from the flames, expect to see yellow and camouflage ribbon magnets slapped on the bumpers of hybrid Lexuses across the region -- and votes for Republicans to follow suit!
Is there any way the love affair between SoCal and our armed forces could sour? Well, the Navy has brought several ships into San Diego harbor to evacuate military personnel if the whole city goes up in flames. Look for things to get ugly if all the soldiers cut and run to the boats!
In a related development, the fire's right-leaning powers transformed 50 illegal immigrants into nativist Republicans, so they immediately turned themselves in to the Border Patrol like good citizens, despite not actually being citizens. Newly Republican Californians began planning a thousand-mile-long wall of flames to keep further Mexican incursions out.