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Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney's campaign at all intensify, "Tricky Dick" had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how fat they look in their robes.

  • All of Mitt's potential running mates are just too cool for him. Come on, you guys, he looks like the type of guy that gets random heart attacks! Surely one of you could take over. [The Atlantic]
  • Give your day an ironic start by reading about the death of the newspaper on a blog. This article explains how the decline of the local paper helped make the GOP more polarizing. [Salon]
  • In an intense, deliberate article, Woodward and Bernstein go over the fact that Nixon was even worse than that Kirsten Dunst movie they made about him. [Washington Post]
  • The Supreme Court's feelings are being hurt by the media! Oh, go run crying to Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. They'll teach you how stop worrying and learn to love gay people already. [Slate]
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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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