So file this under shocking maybe mildly surprising if true: "Award-Winning Journalist" Chuck C. Johnson, the newly crowned Stupidest Man on the Internet, accuses conservative icon and disgraced former Army Colonel and one-term-only congressman Allen West of having done something awful: can independently confirm that conservative icon Allen West sexually harassed two different women at Pajamas Media using more than a dozen sources.

We honestly don't want to know the sordid details of how West allegedly harassed two women with a dangling participle like that, but we will continue for the sake of You, the Discerning Reader.

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Johnson claims that three different sources at PJ Media confirmed that West had "grabbed the breast" of a 24-year-old woman "in front of an elevator while the two were colleagues." With typical ChuckJohnsonian accuracy, the self-raking pile of muck initially claimed that the woman herself had confirmed the allegation, but then later updated the story to say that she "repeatedly and emphatically refused comment on the record and asked that I change her earlier confirmation which I have now done."

Johnson also asserts that "sources at PJ Media and some who have since left" told him that West also "undressed himself" in front of a second woman, an incident that he claims caused her to seek therapy.

Writing about himself in the third person, as he is wont to do,’s editor-in-chief Charles C. Johnson explained that’s editor-in-chief Charles C. Johnson has long been on the trail of Allen West's supposed extramarital peccadillos (fierce piglike animals with bristly coats and sharp tusks, native to the Southwest and using Wikipedia for this information):

West, who is also married, has a string of women that’s editor-in-chief Charles C. Johnson has tracked down over the past two years. His marital infidelity is an open secret in conservative circles but a taboo subject among conservative activists who point to his military record and (less vocally) his race as an asset to the conservative movement.

There are other women who has tracked down and interviewed over the last two years that paint a picture of West as a sexual predator. Here are a few examples: He propositioned a conservative columnist. He grabbed a former communications staffer in an elevator and tried to kiss her, an incident that brought her to tears and led her to leaving politics entirely. She moved out of Florida entirely and into another career.

Call him morbid, call him pale, but Johnson's spent two years on West's trail. Two long years chasing West chasing tail. And Johnson just feels all tore up inside about having to mention it at all, adding this "author's note" in rare first-person:

I admire Allen West’s military and political service. I even supported him for higher office but in the process of vetting him for this office I discovered this scandal [...]

I wish I didn’t have to write this story but my conscience as well as the truth demands it.

Do we believe a word of it? On the one unspeakable Eldritch tentacle, we already knew that Allen West was a creepazoid sex pervert who expected his wife do be his very own personal "porn star," that disrespectful emspeakenings from unladylike wenches were an affront to courtoisie up with which he would not put, and that he left PJ Media with allegations of an anti-Semitic rant dogging him.

On the other terminal gripping appendage, this is a piece of "journalism" written by despicable waste of perfectly good atoms Chuck C. Johnson, whose record of accuracy is such that if he declared water to be wet, we would demand sources and check the kitchen sink for ourselves.

Either way, we're looking to seeing where this goes: a clash of far-right titmen titans, or one more putrid discredited feather in Chuck C. Johnson's Dunce cap? We cannot yet say, but we're headed to Costco for popcorn.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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