It's An Old Fashioned Hollywood Debate!
Fifth debate in the last two weeks. Maybe fourth. Whatever. There have been more than zero, and now we've got our last one before Super Tuesday, until the other one that will probably happen before Super Tuesday. How will Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton fare in this important (Barack is almost even with Hillary in California, says some poll!) debate? Whatever happens, this is an historic occasion: the Democratic nomination for president will not go to a white man this year. Instead, it's a choice between two black women. Liveblogging hooray...
7:58 -- Now how did all these Politico writers get a debate to sponsor? Every newspaper on the planet, or its website, is older than Politico. Aren't we choosing this election based on experience only?
8:00 -- We have The Beard, Wolf Blitzer, instead of that pretty silver boy Anderson Cooper. Wolf likes to ask terrible questions that lead to fights, like "Hillary and Barack, if you had to kill either a Hispanic or a Black, which would it be?" And then he asks for a yes-or-no answer.
8:02 -- They are all smiles. They are each smiling at everyone in the crowd as they sob over Edwards' loss. They are not smiling at each other.
8:03 -- Hillary's got Hollywood's Rob Reiner in the crowd! The Story of Us resonates in all our hearts.
8:04 -- Gene Simmons of Politico.com? That site, they are such wunderkinds over there.
8:05 -- Aww, Brrrrack misses John Edwards, that guy he used to insult in the other debates for being "the white guy." Meanwhile, John Edwards is becoming a Republican to see if he can become president that way. There's always a way for the sexy cracker.
8:07 -- Barack knows this is an election about Status Quo. He wants to save America through Fear. He's the oldest white man on the planet, older than Hillary Clinton.
8:08 -- Hillary Clinton says there'll be a new president in 2009. But what if there's no majority leader in delegates by then?... It's Rove, he's behind this.
8:10 -- Hillary: America needs a president who's ready to lead when the 2009 comes, so I'd like you to consider: how can he be president if he's still in the methadone clinic? Or if he's Jesse Jackson, still?
8:11 -- Barack and Hillary do have differences, Hillary says. I won New Hampshire -- and you know what goes on in New Ham--
8:12 -- HOLY SHIT TUNA, IT'S ED HELMS FROM THE OFFICE. He's watching the politics, right next to those old Hollywood Jews, who will decide the winner of this debate anyway.
8:14 -- What do you think these Hollywood Jews next to Ed Helms are thinking, watching this shvartzer speak?
8:16 -- Ah, I see Barack's trying to be specific about his Hope tonight, using words like interest rates and credit. But will he use statistics, like "3%" or "4 million Chinese investors"? That's what Hillary does. She says the same thing, but with the various "numbers."
8:18 -- He's been doing, this, talking about Iraq a lot and how Hillary voted for it. Why would he bring up that VERY IMPORTANT FACT at all? Maybe he should've talked about Iraq more WHEN HE WAS LOSING BY INFINITY.
8:19 -- When talking about health care, Barry turned into an old troll from Staten Island, but with cancer. It was like, "DON'T HAVE HEALTH CARE...," but with those descriptions from the previous sentence.
8:20 -- Hillary: for 35 years -- 35 million years actually, the American people know -- I've given universal health care to the entire universe, but mostly to children in the wealthy suburb(s) of Little Rock, once. Actually, they just bought that themselves.
8:23 -- Barack's health care plan will only help them if they're Republicans, otherwise AIDS, which came from Africa. What's Africa like in the summer time, Barack?
8:24 -- Barack says he knows all these people who can't afford premiums, so it's too early for Hillary's mandate plan. Instead, Ted Kennedy said he'll get fix the health cares for me, with Kennedy Change.
8:26 -- Hillary: If those insurance companies don't get the cheap drugs for everyone, I will argue against them on National Teevee! Everyone will get my Barry-flavor of health insurance. It's already in Congress, gonna pass soon.
8:29 -- Hillary's fair enough with this point. Barry does need to stop pretending that he's got an air-proof universal health care plan. He doesn't. He'll do anything to make sure Hillary Clinton won't have health care when he's out of office.
8:31 -- It's Gene Simmons from Politico.com, asking how Barry -- the most liberal senator in the world -- will fight off the Republicans when they attack his obvious double tax hike plans of death.
8:32 -- Ha ha, Barry's almost as funny as that very hilarious Mike Huckabee, the preacher. He says the wheels are coming off of John McCain's bus, so don't believe his tax returns.
8:33 -- I've watched so many of the--
8:34 -- JASON ALEXANDER, FROM... WHAT WAS THE SHOW, INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER... "BOB PATTERSON, INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER," HE'S IN THE CROWD.
8:35 -- Hillary's giving points -- she's counting them out with her fingers, these various facets of her argument -- about her health care plans, to be specific. This'll get out that young vote, the damn kids and their robots.
8:36 -- BARACK WILL RAISE TAXES ON HIMSELF. The Republicans at home hiss.
8:37 -- The Hillary campaign: In the '90s, humans overall did well in the economy [SCREAMING, APPLAUSE]. Hillary lives another day.
8:40 -- The lady asked a question to Barack like, African-Americans are not doing well in our inner cities, statistics show. Is it like that in your hometown of Africa, too?
8:41 -- Barack Obama is not a member of the "Bill Cosby" school of black people -- he wants to bridge everyone together, in a unified theocracy of Islam, or Sun-worship.
8:43 -- HILLARY, YOU JUST ADVOCATED TIGHTENING THE BORDERS, YOU MORON.
8:44 -- Ted Kennedy is jerking off to the thought of ambiguous brown people voting for his black son... because he'll own them both.
8:45 -- Hillary: we need to fix immigration because of the "labor force." Way to use the original meaning of the immigration debate, what made it practical for Americans! You have to kill them for that crossover vote, if that's yr angle.
8:46 -- Barry: "People don't come here to drive, they come here to work." Never thought of it that way -- so this whole drivers' license for Mexican's thing is moot: There are no driver's licenses, when you're in love
8:47 -- Hillary shouts nice things about Jesus Christ and the Good Samaritan (Srsly). Mark Penn immediately polls a cave full of kidnapped Hispanic Catholics for their reaction. They do not have teevee.
8:49 -- New thread time! Go to the new thread!