It's Not Too Late To Fall In Love WIth Dennis Kneier, The Poop-Flinging Ex-Mayor
We're not sure how we managed to miss the original story about this last week, but better late than never, particularly with a story just designed for yr Wonkette to make maximum fun of. Yes, of course, we're talking about the California mayor who had to step down because he was caught on camera flinging dog poo at a neighbor's yard. Meet your real American hero, ex-mayor of sunny (we think?) San Marino, Dennis Kneier.
So the alleged -- haha wait we do not need to say alleged because there is a tape, motherfucker -- poo flinging happened back on June 7, and the original explanation the mayor offered was that he just loves picking up trash too much or something.
According to Kneier, he was on his way home from a park just three blocks away when he came across a bag of dog poop.
"A moment of not thinking, of bad judgment, instead of me carrying it all the way home or having just left it there in the first place," Kneier said. "That’s not my nature just to walk by trash and not pick it up, cause I always do."
So was the bad judgment the picking it up or the leaving it as a gift on the neighbor's lawn, or both? You can see in the video that he definitely gets his feces throwing on. Were his arms just too tired from holding the bag of dog poo for almost three blocks?
This might have just blown over as a weird littering incident, except that the lucky recipient of the bag of dogshit was a neighbor with whom the mayor had previously had words.
[Philip] Lao believes that Kneier was seeking revenge for his opposition to the mayor’s dog park proposal. Lao is against the dog park because he believes dogs are left there for hours as their owners run errands, and the dogs tend to fight when left unattended.
Lao lives a block away from Lacy Park, and as such, has "no poop zone" signs in his front lawn. According to Lao, Kneier does not like him posting signs like that, but Lao believes it is his right as a homeowner. Lao told the city council that when people take down their USC and UCLA signs, he’ll take down his "no poop zone" signs.
Now to be honest, Philip Lao sounds like the kind of guy we might gift with some poop as well, but we'd probably put it in a bag and light it on fire, and we damn sure wouldn't get caught by a surveillance camera. Also too we would never be the mayor of a tony SoCal town. Kneier tried to show some level of sincere regret, saying that he apologized and it wouldn't happen again, but let's face it: that seems like kind of the bare minimum you should promise. Like, it isn't hard to NOT throw dogshit at your neighbor's house. We literally fail to throw dogshit at anyone every day of our lives. But Dennis Kneier couldn't resist that impulse, so now he is moving on, getting past this difficult time, you know the drill.
Fare thee well, poop-throwing mayor. We didn't have nearly long enough together.