Ivanka Trump Bringing Vast Knowledge Of Fashion Merchandising To White House 'Job'
Ivanka Trump has been given an official position in the White House as an advisor to her daddy. The position will be unpaid, making her more like a princess who gets to talk sometimes than anything else.
Now, some might call that "nepotism" -- or suggest that hiring one's own family to do everything is kind of a corrupt thing to do -- but need I remind you that several royal rulers of centuries past often relied on family members as counselors? For instance, Mikhail Romanov, the first of the Romanov Tsars, was appointed Tsar when he was but 17 years old, and thus relied heavily on the advice of his mother, "The Great Nun" Martha, for a while, and then his father, Patriarch Filaret, after he got back from exile, and his mother's relatives who were actually pretty corrupt, actually.
But you know what none of those people had? Experience in fashion! Which is probably how Mikhail ended up looking like this:
Would you just look at that hat? Did no one ever tell him to remove one accessory before leaving the house? And, really, the whole thing is a little matchy-matchy.
Oh also she 'forgot' to pay for her diamonds. Whoops!
An actual informed fashion review of Ivanka Trump's crap clothing line.
And let us not forget about her modeling experience. You know who was never in Maxim's Top 100? David Axelrod. You know who was? Ivanka Trump.
See how Ivanka pulls off wearing a lot of gold but without too many accessories? TAKE NOTES, FUTURE ADVISORS! This experience will certainly be invaluable when it comes to the annual White House Swimsuit Calendar! Who else is gonna teach Rex Tillerson how to pose?
Additionally, modeling helps you learn poise, or at least that is what all those Barbizon Modeling School commercials taught me. That and that if I paid them a bunch of money, I could be a model or just look like one. The poise, perhaps, to help your dad when he's having kind of an episode in front of Angela Merkel and has no idea what he's even talking about.
All hail Princess Ivanka!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse