Jaclyn Smith Is Almost 90, This Is Her Now! Tabs, Tues., June 2, 2020

Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

I don't know, something about how he's going to shoot us all, to prove how much we love him, for Jesus.

How to minimize coronavirus risk while protesting.

[Epidemiologist Ellie] Murray clarified her position: "Yes, I condemned the anti-lockdown protests," she wrote. "Yes, I support the #BlackLivesMatter protests. No, those aren't contradictory views. COVID is a public health emergency. So is racism. We need to fight both."


The Minnesota Bail Fund raised $20 million this weekend. Wonkette threw a hundred in the kitty. (Haha, kitty!) You? (New York Times)

Department of Homeland Security is pretty concerned about domestic terrorists and white supremacists going and turning the George Floyd protests into The Purge (Politico) while Bill Barr says LOOK OVER THERE! GONNA JAIL ANTIFA! (Axios)

Officer-proximate fatality events (I just made that up; expect to see it soon in a police union letter near you) have been shrinking in big cities, but the decline is more than offset by increases in suburbs and rural areas. — FiveThirtyEight

Speaking of which: David McAtee, shot and killed by police in Louisville, KY, last night as they "returned fire" on a group of people in a parking lot, was a much-loved local ribs chef who was in the parking lot of his own business where he often fed the police for free. (Courier Journal)

Louisville mayor fired the police of chef toot fucking sweet when he found out, oh, weird, literally every police officer turned off their body cams before the shooting. Also, they left McAtee's body in the street for 12 hours. — The Intercept

The private medical examiner hired by Floyd's family — the former chief medical examiner of New York City, if you'd like a credential — shows that OBVIOUSLY he was asphyxiated, Minneapolis coroner, you ludicrous fuck. (LA Times)

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar explains the protests for your nice friend (or you! you're nice!) who doesn't get it. Always read Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. (LA Times)

Joe Biden did a roundtable with mayors. Nobody covered it, because it is 2016 again and they're cutting away from Hillary speaking to show Trump's empty podium, while simultaneously complaining that he doesn't do any events. (Periscope)

Confederate statues seem to be getting toppled (Yahoo); we're also oppressing (checks notes) Louis de Bourbon, the Duc d'Anjou.

Do you mean this crybaby-in-chief banging his spoon on his highchair tray, George Will?

This unraveling presidency began with the Crybaby-in-Chief banging his spoon on his highchair tray to protest a photograph — a photograph — showing that his inauguration crowd the day before had been smaller than the one four years previous. Since then, this weak person's idea of a strong person, this chest-pounding advertisement of his own gnawing insecurities, this low-rent Lear raging on his Twitter-heath has proven that the phrase malignant buffoon is not an oxymoron.

Wouldn't have taken him for a Wonkette reader. (Washington Post)


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