Before American voters kick them all the way to the curb, House GOP dipshits are taking one final shot at James Comey. Sentient persons will remember the former FBI Director torpedoing Hillary Clinton's campaign by shouting "BUT HER EMAILS" for the entirety of October of 2016. But the House Mensa Caucus knows that was all a part of his dastardly plan to hurt Donald Trump, because the FBI was totes #InTheTank for Hillary.

If you think about it for a while ... you'll go insane. But that won't stop House Judiciary Chairman Bob Goodlatte (R-Even Your Kid Hates You) from subpoenaing Comey to testify this week. Republicans want one last shot at smearing shit on him before handing the gavel back to Democrats in January. Carpe diem!

Comey responded with a Hail Mary pass of sorts, filing a Motion to Quash the subpoena in DC District Court, reminding the committee members that he'd agreed to testify PUBLICLY in October, but a closed door session with those sleazy leakers was right out of the question.

To which outgoing South Carolina ratfucker Trey Gowdy chuckled, "Heh heh, yep! You sure got our number, Johnny Law." More or less.

Rep. Gowdy wants James Comey's deposition taped and made public

You know, Margaret, I don't get to say this very often, but I do think Jim Comey is right. Leaks are counterproductive, whether Jim Comey's doing it, whether the FBI's doing it, or whether Congress is doing it.

Goodlatte and his henchmen insist that they're just trying to avoid a "circus." Clutch the pearls, how can Mr. Comey possibly object to a private hearing where everyone swears to keep quiet about it but GOP members immediately run to Fox and suggest that the FBI Director perjured himself?

Try as he might, Mr. Comey may not condition his cooperation with a congressional investigation on the presence of television cameras. No other witness involved in this investigation has made such a grandiose demand, and this Court should not countenance Mr. Comey's temerity in attempting to dictate the terms on which he will deign to comply with his constitutional obligations.

And in a rational country, judges shouldn't be able to tell legislators how to do their jobs. Which is basically what US District Judge Trevor N. McFadden told the parties at a hearing on Friday. Unfortunately we no longer live in a rational country, thanks to James Comey throwing the damn election and saddling us with Orange Foolius. McFadden might have allowed the case to drag on through the end of the session, but when he announced his intention to rule Monday (today), Comey knew he'd lost.

Over the weekend, Comey and the Judiciary Committee agreed that the hearing will be closed, but a transcript will be provided to the witness within 24 hours. Comey will be free to discuss and publish it as he sees fit.

Then Comey withdrew his complaint, and House Republicans rescheduled the hearing for Friday. So they'll be able to spend the entire weekend shit talking with Hannity and the boys before handing over the transcript the following Monday. SUBTLE.

And they wonder why they lost the House.

[Motion to Quash / Congressional Response]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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