Jared Kushner Knows Black Voters Hate The Word 'Freedom,' But They Love Empty Slogans
Screenshot, Axios on HBO

If Jared Kushner wants to do for the Trump campaign what he did for the Middle East, government data management, the opioid crisis, and the coronavirus pandemic response, who are we to get in his way? Godspeed, you magnificent genius!

Or, wait ... should we say, OH NO WE ARE DOOMED? How can we possibly compete with the political Wunderkind who sleeps next to the president's daughter?


Axios reports that Trump's jack of all trades son-in-law has set himself the task of revamping the Republican Party platform in advance of the convention. Which will be held in North Carolina. Or possibly Georgia. Or maybe Florida. The point is, Jared will be deciding what the GOP cares about, not the RNC, not the voters, not the delegates. And Jared, in his unmatched wisdom, has decided that what voters want is a listicle.

The president's son-in-law and top adviser has told confidants he wants to shrink the GOP's extensive platform of policy beliefs and principles down to a single card that fits in people's pockets. That's a huge change. The 2016 platform runs 58 pages — the product of extensive debate and heated negotiations.

Kushner told colleagues he wanted "something like the 10 principles we believe in," per two sources familiar with his comments.

A GOP platform so small you can drown it in the bathtub! After which you can put a stamp on it and use it to file your taxes. Or not.

The point is, Jared has his finger on the pulse of the African American community, and he knows that black people don't like the word "freedom."

Kushner also argued against rebranding "School Choice" as "Education Freedom Scholarships," because he said the latter phrase doesn't resonate with African Americans.

Two sources said they recalled Kushner making a more sweeping point — that they should rethink using the word "freedom" altogether in the GOP platform because polling showed it doesn't appeal to African Americans.

Sorry, WUT?

It's all about not alienating the voters, see? So if they can reduce everything the GOP stands for to a handful of punchy bumper sticker slogans, then they can keep the rubes riled up with meaningless jingoism and distracted from the spectacularly botched COVID-19 response and wrecked economy.

And it's not like the GOP actually stands for any of that small government, personal morality, balanced budget shit they're always yammering about anyway — why not just cut to the nativist chase and call it the cult of personality we all know it is?

Plus, all that stuff about letting quack doctors pray the gay away from kids is just a distraction anyway. It's the GOP — the bigotry is already priced in. Too many details just divert people from the party's main mission to loot the treasury for rich people and lock poor brown refugee kids in cages. Focus, people!

Axios reports that, "A one-page platform has been drafted, but only a few people have seen it." Jared's Crayola postcard of MBA buzzwords must have gotten lost at the printer. Or the dog ate his homework. Or maybe Ronna Romney McDaniels and the rest of the RNC bigwigs were hoping he'd get distracted and wander off to not fix some other problem, the way he's done for literally every other job in the White House. (Yeah, it's probably that one.)

At this point, the GOP has so thoroughly merged with Donald Trump that it functions as a pimple on his orange ass. So if Jared's attention span holds up, he'll probably get his way and the RNC delegates will sign off on his bumper sticker policy plan. Traditionally the platform has been hotly debated, with influential groups vying to merge their own goals with the party's. Remember, in 2016 someone cared enough about it to insist that support for arming Ukraine against Russian aggression got edited out, a position which just so happened to align with the views of the country that was flooding social media with pro-Trump propaganda. But if Jared wants to substitute a car air freshener for the Christmas tree where everyone gets to hang an ornament, well, have at it big fella. And don't let anyone tell you that holding that campaign planning session in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building is probably a misuse of government resources and makes all your communications subject to the Presidential Records Act. Just forge right ahead and MBAsplain 'em real good!


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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