Jeb Bush: Winning Is For Losers
If you, like us, have wondered if Jeb Bush even wants to win this election thingy after all, wonder no more. He doesn't. He really doesn't. Winning sucks, sayethed Jeb on Sunday's "Face The Nation." Being a sad sack loser behind that little punk newbie Marco friggin' Rubio, though? Yeah, baby, that's what it's all about.
JOHN DICKERSON: Six months ago, people thought you were the frontrunner.
BUSH: Yeah. I hated that.
DICKERSON: You hated being a frontrunner?
BUSH: Yeah, I feel much better back here.
DICKERSON: Why'd you hate being the frontrunner?
BUSH: Well, because I've always thought that there was going to be a high expectation for me. And I totally get it.
BUSH: Because I have a brother that was president and a father that was president. And that higher expectation was important to realize. And so being the frontrunner made me feel like people were going to begin to say, “The guy's just dancing right through this.”
[contextly_sidebar id="Xq32fijTZq3yh5FPCu46deeOG7L9rtZv"]Aw, maybe that's how it felt for you, Jeb, but listen, bubbeleh, nobody was saying that. Hell, we were pointing and laughing at your epic FAIL of a campaign even before you officially belly-flopped into the shallow end of the GOP primary. And despite the universally beloved last name and the kazillions of dollars saved up in various super PAC piggy banks, it was painfully, awkwardly obvious from the first second that there would be no dancing right through anything. Just a lot of stumbling and bumbling and tripping and falling and "Oooooh, gosh, that's gotta hurt" and eventually a whole bunch of cringing pitifully in Jeb's direction, because Jesus Christ, man, just stop embarrassing yourself like that already.
BUSH: I have to go earn it. I have higher expectations on me than people have of me. So it doesn't bother me a bit that the expectations are high. And I want to win, which means that you garner momentum when it matters. And so I feel good about where we are right now.
[contextly_sidebar id="oj01bmdxPakatfG7IRDhrgui9qFsES7i"]Ah, gotta love that famous Bush family strategery. To win, head straight for rock bottom. Let those other also-rans dominate first place and second place and third place and all the other places. Let them struggle with the pressure and expectations, while ever-more-clever Jeb races to the safe and cozy single digits, so that he can then earn his way back to the top. Which is totally going to happen. No, really, it is. It's all part of that glorious Jeb Can Fix It plan we heard so much about, which first required "a few weeks of bad polls." He's still working on that part -- those bad polls aren't quite bad enough just yet -- but then, once he's done showing everyone what a ginormous sad loser he is, well, he's as good as president.