Jeb Mad, Bro
He's seething on the inside
Jeb Bush is mad about a thing. Whatcha mad about this time, J.E.B. Jeb? The usual? Yep:
He’s angry at Marco Rubio, thoroughly disgusted with Donald Trump, aggravated with the grubby, profane, uncivil tone of the Republican primary — and, above all, irate at the mere suggestion that he stop grinding this 2016 thing out until he finally convinces voters that he’s the best guy to do the job.
Also, he's got this hangnail, and he thinks his milk has spoiled. And how come everyone keeps telling him to just delete his campaign already?
“The Rubio people have made an argument that, ‘I came in third. Everybody else must leave,’” he said. “I’m not buying it. Why should I? ... You know, it’s like, come on, you get a bronze, you get a little red ribbon, and everybody is supposed to just — the waters are supposed to part?”
Jeb placed somewhere around negative 17 in the Iowa caucus last week -- which is nowhere close to winning third place and doesn't even come with a little red ribbon -- but he's got a plan to Fix ItTM on Tuesday, in the New Hampshire primary. What's the plan?
“This is a long-haul process,” said Bush, who faces the possible mass defection of campaign donors even if he does reasonably well in Tuesday’s primary here. “Public sentiment, how people feel will change. It always does, and if you stick to who you are and believe what you believe and persuade people over time and you’re consistent and you’re not in the witness protection program every time the going gets tough, the simple fact is you can win the day. And I’m in it for the long haul.”
Oh right, the plan is to lose in New Hampshire too and hope the Republican primary voters who are clearly soooooo over him will change their minds eventually. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next state or the next state or the state after that but, eventually -- if he can long-haul his way through the next month or so, and survive until the Florida primary on March 15, Jeb's own state where the people know him best -- oh, wait, that doesn't look so good for him either:
At Jeb's current rate of humiliating self-immolation and suckitude, that snot-nosed rat bastard Marco Rubio -- who according to Team Jeb is "young" and doesn't have a backbone (LOL!) and is kind of a "Judas" -- is going to sissy-boots stomp all over Jeb in their home state, or at least come in third, which, per Rubio math, is a sweeping victory.
But dangit, the Republican Party has to wake up eventually and toss out the nutso-iest extremist candidates the voters appear to love so hard, and then we'll see who's left tripping all over his own feet:
“At some point, we have a nominee. … And I think of the surviving candidates, as you get closer to the point where it starts to matter a lot, I think there’s going to be a need to focus back to the point of rhetoric and how you say things,” he added. “I think there’s going to be — there needs to be some discipline.”
Now there's an impassioned rallying cry if we ever heard one. Have your fun cheering Donald Trump's wall to keep out the Mexican rapists and Ted Cruz's threats to carpet-bomb ISIS, but at some point, you Republicans are going to have to grow up and stop being inflammatory jerks and show some discipline. And that's when everyone will realize Jeb Bush is their man.