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More news on Terrible Racist Jeff Sessions, who, despite his many obvious faults and his super-charged racism, is not Donald Trump's favorite guy in the world anymore! Yes, we are doing another Jeff Sessions Death-Watch post because now we have to do that nine times a week and even more when Fucking Lindsey Graham is coyly saying Trump's relationship with Sessions has gone bad on a deep level, and it's not just that Trump is mad Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation. (Still, we must ask, WHAT THE FUCK DID SESSIONS DO TO TRUMP?)


The latest reporting is from the Washington Post, which says that Trump has been going on and on about firing Jeff Sessions all month, the way he always does when he starts losing it about the Russia investigation. In the president's tiny mind, Sessions committed a grievous sin when he followed the law and recused himself from the investigation into the campaign he literally worked on. Trump incorrectly believes that the nation's top law enforcement official should be there mostly to protect him, the way he incorrectly thinks Bobby Kennedy did for Jack and Eric Holder did for Barry Bamz-A-Lot. Therefore, Trump has been angrily asking "WHERE'S MY ROY COHN?" because he always forgets that Roy Cohn is in hell right now, consumed by the flames, with rats gnawing on his charred peener.

The Washington Post's Carol Leonnig reports that, at least for now, Trump's band of merry legal idiots think they have been able to pull him back from the edge, because Jesus Christ, dude, if you do this now, could you be any more obvious with your obstruction of justice? They're advising him that it's best to wait until after the Robert Mueller investigation is over for him to commit that particular obstruction of justice crime. Because that's what lawyers are for, right? To help you time your crimes! (Of course, when the Mueller investigation is over, will Trump even still be president? Who knows!)

In our Jeff Sessions Death-Watch post last week, we noted that it's not just Lindsey Graham who's rolled over and died on protecting Jeff Sessions -- half the Republican members of the Senate are OK with throwing old Butterscotches under the bus now, it seems. Leonnig says they're "resigned" to the fact that Trump is going to do this, probably just after the midterms. Hey, maybe he will do it around 10 PM on election night, right around the time the news reports that Nancy Pelosi is at Gavels 'R' Us, getting fitted for a new gavel!

"We wish the best for him, but as any administration would show, Cabinet members seldom last the entire administration, and this is clearly not an exception," Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) said in an interview Tuesday.

"Nothing lasts forever," Sen. Richard C. Shelby (R-Ala.) told The Washington Post, describing the Trump-Sessions dynamic as "a toxic relationship."

Added Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.), a longtime defender of the attorney general: "My sense is the fix is in."

Oh my God! Gentlemen! Dicks! GROW SOME!

WaPo reports that Jeff Sessions is getting messages from Senate allies like "Buck up, Buckaroo!" and so does the Wall Street Journal, which says GOP lawmakers are encouraging him not to buckle under to Trump's constant pissy baby attacks. John Cornyn, for instance:

"I told him what I just told you, that I thought it was important to the department, important to the country and important to the president that he stay strong," Cornyn said.

"He's only human, and it can't be much fun, and so we were offering him our support and encouragement," he added. "And I think he appreciated it. Hopefully it'll make a difference."

Other senators at the "breakfast huddle" for Sessions, WSJ reports, were Thom Tillis, Ben Sasse, Jerry Moran, and John Kennedy.

Mitch McConnell wants Sessions to stay too, so ... oh who the fuck knows at this point. The supportive senators said Sessions "is tiring of the barrage from Mr. Trump," but right now he knows he needs to keep his big boy pants on and continue telling the president to eat shit by not resigning, for the sake of the country. (Also he probably wants to fuck up some more brown Mexican immigrants before he's kicked out.) Yet again, Wonkette cannot believe we are saying this, but STAY STRONG, JEFFERSON BEAUREGARD, you ... crusty old fuckstain who was too racist to be confirmed for a federal judgeship by a GOP-controlled Senate in 1986.

For the record, even senators like Lindsey Graham who are acting like total fucking Heathers toward their former friend Jeff Sessions are saying they won't consider a nominee who doesn't promise to protect the Mueller investigation. We sure hope they're not lying, not that a GOP senator would ever lie in our faces like that!

No matter when Sessions is fired, it's worth verifying with a lawyer that, if Trump fires Sessions after the midterms, that act could still legitimately be seen as an act of obstruction of justice.

Oh look! Here's a lawyer!

The hardest thing to ever prove about obstruction is intent, but lucky for America, Trump telegraphs his intent every time he opens his Twitter app.

Keep your eyes open with this one, y'all. There is much fuckery still ahead.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

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pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.


In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"

EXTREME SHUDDER.

In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!


Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!

[Politico]

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