Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, Jeff Sessions! (You Crusty Fucking Bigot!)
More news on Terrible Racist Jeff Sessions, who, despite his many obvious faults and his super-charged racism, is not Donald Trump's favorite guy in the world anymore! Yes, we are doing another Jeff Sessions Death-Watch post because now we have to do that nine times a week and even more when Fucking Lindsey Graham is coyly saying Trump's relationship with Sessions has gone bad on a deep level, and it's not just that Trump is mad Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation. (Still, we must ask, WHAT THE FUCK DID SESSIONS DO TO TRUMP?)
The latest reporting is from the Washington Post, which says that Trump has been going on and on about firing Jeff Sessions all month, the way he always does when he starts losing it about the Russia investigation. In the president's tiny mind, Sessions committed a grievous sin when he followed the law and recused himself from the investigation into the campaign he literally worked on. Trump incorrectly believes that the nation's top law enforcement official should be there mostly to protect him, the way he incorrectly thinks Bobby Kennedy did for Jack and Eric Holder did for Barry Bamz-A-Lot. Therefore, Trump has been angrily asking "WHERE'S MY ROY COHN?" because he always forgets that Roy Cohn is in hell right now, consumed by the flames, with rats gnawing on his charred peener.
The Washington Post's Carol Leonnig reports that, at least for now, Trump's band of merry legal idiots think they have been able to pull him back from the edge, because Jesus Christ, dude, if you do this now, could you be any more obvious with your obstruction of justice? They're advising him that it's best to wait until after the Robert Mueller investigation is over for him to commit that particular obstruction of justice crime. Because that's what lawyers are for, right? To help you time your crimes! (Of course, when the Mueller investigation is over, will Trump even still be president? Who knows!)
In our Jeff Sessions Death-Watch post last week, we noted that it's not just Lindsey Graham who's rolled over and died on protecting Jeff Sessions -- half the Republican members of the Senate are OK with throwing old Butterscotches under the bus now, it seems. Leonnig says they're "resigned" to the fact that Trump is going to do this, probably just after the midterms. Hey, maybe he will do it around 10 PM on election night, right around the time the news reports that Nancy Pelosi is at Gavels 'R' Us, getting fitted for a new gavel!
"We wish the best for him, but as any administration would show, Cabinet members seldom last the entire administration, and this is clearly not an exception," Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) said in an interview Tuesday.
"Nothing lasts forever," Sen. Richard C. Shelby (R-Ala.) told The Washington Post, describing the Trump-Sessions dynamic as "a toxic relationship."
Added Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.), a longtime defender of the attorney general: "My sense is the fix is in."
Oh my God! Gentlemen! Dicks! GROW SOME!
WaPo reports that Jeff Sessions is getting messages from Senate allies like "Buck up, Buckaroo!" and so does the Wall Street Journal, which says GOP lawmakers are encouraging him not to buckle under to Trump's constant pissy baby attacks. John Cornyn, for instance:
"I told him what I just told you, that I thought it was important to the department, important to the country and important to the president that he stay strong," Cornyn said.
"He's only human, and it can't be much fun, and so we were offering him our support and encouragement," he added. "And I think he appreciated it. Hopefully it'll make a difference."
Other senators at the "breakfast huddle" for Sessions, WSJ reports, were Thom Tillis, Ben Sasse, Jerry Moran, and John Kennedy.
Mitch McConnell wants Sessions to stay too, so ... oh who the fuck knows at this point. The supportive senators said Sessions "is tiring of the barrage from Mr. Trump," but right now he knows he needs to keep his big boy pants on and continue telling the president to eat shit by not resigning, for the sake of the country. (Also he probably wants to fuck up some more brown Mexican immigrants before he's kicked out.) Yet again, Wonkette cannot believe we are saying this, but STAY STRONG, JEFFERSON BEAUREGARD, you ... crusty old fuckstain who was too racist to be confirmed for a federal judgeship by a GOP-controlled Senate in 1986.
For the record, even senators like Lindsey Graham who are acting like total fucking Heathers toward their former friend Jeff Sessions are saying they won't consider a nominee who doesn't promise to protect the Mueller investigation. We sure hope they're not lying, not that a GOP senator would ever lie in our faces like that!
No matter when Sessions is fired, it's worth verifying with a lawyer that, if Trump fires Sessions after the midterms, that act could still legitimately be seen as an act of obstruction of justice.
Oh look! Here's a lawyer!
The hardest thing to ever prove about obstruction is intent, but lucky for America, Trump telegraphs his intent every time he opens his Twitter app.
Keep your eyes open with this one, y'all. There is much fuckery still ahead.
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