Jenna Reflects on a Life Cut Short by Arranged Marriage

Speak out, Jenna - WonketteThis week's People has the (invented and sanitized) details of Mr. Henry Hager's forced proposal to his bride-to-be Jenna Bush. It happened, supposedly, at Acadia National Park (as Laura revealed last month), on top of Cadillac Mountain. Hank, who had awoken his (probably hungover) ladyfriend before the sun even rose, "suggested stopping for an energy bar" (sick, just sick). And then, knowing that he had her drowsy and distracted from lack of sleep and high altitude, he popped the question as cursed dawn began to break. Jenna has been allowed to reveal some small part of her disgust with the whole affair: "'I acted the complete opposite of how I thought I would: I was quiet. He said, 'Are you exited?' I was like, 'I don't know!'" She realized, of course, that she had little choice in the matter, and presumably acquiesced soon thereafter. We begin to sympathize with this poor little rich girl, who wanted nothing more than to live the happy life of drug-fueled privilege that so many of her contemporaries had, without the burden of eventually being enlisted in the Bush family's ongoing effort to control the Earth. People gives more tragic details of her tragic young life:

The article reveals that some of her childhood behavior had First Lady Laura Bush worried. "She played alone with dolls so often, 'making up dramatic stories--Barbie would cheat on somebody'--that Mrs. Bush 'was worried,' Jenna says. 'Then she read that Toni Morrison did the same thing and thought, 'She may be a writer'."

Yes... a "writer." That's what it means when you use your dolls to act out depressing scenes of familial unhappiness and strife.

Other tidbits: Jenna grew up slightly jealous of her sister, Barbara Bush. "'Barbara was brilliant; I had a harder time,' she says.

Poor Jenna. It's hard to be prettier, harder-drinking one. Thankfully, there's no long-lasting resentment between them:

The two have some interesting nicknames for each other. "Their nicknames for each other have ranged from Hermie (short for the Spanish 'hermana,' meaning 'sister') to their current choice: Beast. ('I don't know why,' says Jenna.")

Oh, of course you don't.

Jenna Bush: "I've grown in the past five years." [Examiner]


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