The mean liberals at the Freedom From Religion Foundation have found their latest target, and it is the innocent residents of Hawkins, Texas, who really like the big ugly-ass sign they have at the entrance to town that says "Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins." What's the problem? Oh, it's on city-owned land, which means the city is endorsing Jesus as a deity, when they are supposed to remain impartial, according to that quaint little thing called the United States Constitution. But hold on a minute, according to the mayor, this is FINE, because Jesus is not welcoming people in a RELIGIOUS way. It's more because Jesus is so popular -- guess he just likes to greet people, like at Walmart:

Hawkins mayor Will Rogers said the city doesn't have the money to battle FFRF in court, but he thinks it is a fight the city would win.

"That's not a church, we're not welcoming you to a particular church, that sign says 'Jesus welcomes you,'” explained Rogers. “[Jesus is] the most googled and most popular man in the world."

See, Jesus isn't just the King Of The Jews, he's the King Of The Internet, like even bigger than Mark Zuckerberg. People coming and going from Hawkins would be disappointed if they didn't get to wave at Him from the car.

Of course, Mayor Rogers is A Idiot, as he is apparently under the impression that the part of the Constitution that establishes a clear separation of church and state refers to specific churches, so as long as Jesus isn't saying "hey come to THIS church," it's cool. As if James Madison was sitting there scribbling out the Constitution and Ben Fucking Franklin piped in to say, "well that's just not fair if First Baptist gets to be the official church of America, what about Second Presbyterian? They have such a nice potluck on Wednesdays. No letting Jesus invite people to specific US American churches in this Constitution!"

Rogers also says that it's totally not about religion, because "Jesus is not a religion, Jesus is in every religion across the globe...He's in Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism. He represents love and kindness." We don't mean to kvetch, but it almost seems like he forgot one major religion there.

Even so, Jesus isn't a religion, so ... he can keep sign? He would like to keep sign if that is okay. What if he starts saying "Jesus" is a Messican guy who lives in the city, who just really likes visitors? Would that work?


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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