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Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority

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It looks like the Jews have turned their back on yet another messiah! The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little, but a shocking new poll has revealed that even this tribe of notorious liberal communists have abandoned Barry to his fate. It now seems that Obama is leading Romney only by 35 points among Jewish voters! Is his bid for another term as ruler of the ancient Kingdom of Judah in trouble? Will the House of Saul finally reunite the divided Kingdoms? And how can we wedge a reference to Mormonism into this poll for no good reason?

The Hill reports on Obama's shocking 10 percentage point drop among voters of the Hebraic persuasion in the latest Gallup poll, with only 64 percent saying they'd vote for him now, as opposed to the 74 percent who actually voted for him 2008. This is a proportionally larger drop than Obama's decline in popularity among voters overall, though he still wouldn't be worried if Jews had their own electoral votes. The Hill then speculates wildly about why this drop happened -- because Romney is close personal friends with Bibi Netanyahu, maybe? -- without backing it up with, like, evidence or anything.

The same poll also sampled Mormon voters, on the logic that both Mormons and Jews belong to religions that have been grudgingly accepted into the mainstream by most people in the last 75 years, and finds that a whole 84 percent of them would vote for Romney, but only 77 percent of them will definitely vote, as opposed to 83 percent of Jews. We challenge you to derive something useful from that math, but it makes our head hurt. Anyway, this parallelism between Jewish and Mormon attitudes would probably be really interesting and illuminating if Barack Obama were Jewish. [The Hill]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Yours in baby Jesus,

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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