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Jill Stein is this nutbag lady who ran for president in 2016 as an uber-liberal Green Party person who knew Hillary Clinton would be just as bad as Donald Trump, because of how they were the EXACT SAME. In Michigan and Wisconsin, two of the Rust Belt states where Trump surprisingly beat Hillary and thus sealed his weak "win," Jill Stein got more votes than the difference between Trump and Hillary, so go fuck yourself, Dr. Stein. Also, the Senate Judiciary Committee wants to see documents about Trump campaign communications regarding Stein as part of the Russia investigation, because ?????????

We don't know if she committed Trump-Russia conspiracy crimes, but we wouldn't be surprised. Hey remember that time Stein eated dinner with Vladimir Putin and Michael Flynn in Moscow, because #NoReason?

Based on all this, obviously we need to hear Stein's very important opinion on the matters of the day. Did you see how North Korea tested that missile? Did you see how Congress shoved some Russian sanctions up Dear Leader Trump's ass? Jill Stein knows what is up with these things.

So it was that on Sunday, as yr Wonkette was putzing around the house, we suddenly almost threw a brick through our very nice TV screen when we saw that MSNBC had brought Stein on for Sharing Time. How many stupid things did she say in two minutes? Oh, it's breathtaking:

Weep for the North Korean government, for they are frightened and forlorn!

 

[South Korea has] lived under the threat of war for decades now, they're really tired of it. They would like to move ahead by negotiating a peace treaty, and, you know, the demonization of North Korea is part of the run-up to regime change. We saw it in Iraq, we saw it in Libya, it's part of demonizing a government that we then want to exercise regime change on, and then what do we get? You know, look at our track record here, it's not so good.

So we're supporting the South Korean people who are actually living with this problem, and they are very committed to a solution.

MSNBC lady helpfully pointed out that while that might be the case, North Korea is the one testing nuclear missiles right now. Stein replied:

But remember where that came from! Long before they began their missile tests, the U.S. was conducting nuclear bombing runs against North Korea. We actually had nuclear weapons until the end of the Cold War, we actually had nuclear weapons stationed in South Korea. So this is very frightening to them! They've been basically cornered into feeling like they have to develop a nuclear weapon.

POOR NORTH KOREA.

Weep for Russia, because sanctions are SO UNFAIR BRO and besides, prove to Jill Stein that her pals in Moscow meddled in the election, SPOILER YOU CAN'T, even though you are 17 United States intelligence agencies who all agree with each other, whereas Jill Stein is some asshole who ain't know shit.

Does Stein think Trump should sign that sanctions bill that 948% of Congress voted for, minus Bernie Sanders, Rand Paul and a handful of twats in the House? OF COURSE NOT:

Uh, no I don't? And I don't think Congress should have passed it, because the sanctions basically play right into Russia's hand. We know that sanctions only strengthen a leader and, like Putin, and, um, make him sort of the protector against the evil United States? And when you look at what's actually going on here, you know, sanctions are not the solution to protecting our election system!

First of all the evidence is not definitive, it's circumstantial that it's the Russians ...

YUM YUM DINNER

... but in any case, we know that lots of people are waiting to walk through the very open door of the U.S. election system.

Like Trump's 400-pound hacker in New Jersey?

We need to start protecting our elections through proper cyber security practices, and by using paper ballots that can't be hacked.

Cosign on the paper ballots and the cyber security.

Otherwise, get bent, Jill Stein.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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