Is Satan Making You Mock Jim Bakker's Food Buckets?
We here at Wonkette have been known, from time to time, to make fun of Jim Bakker's doomsday food buckets, along with all the other bizarre things he sells to his gullible fan base — like that time he was pushing colloidal silver, a substance likely to turn their skin blue, as a COVID cure.
To be fair, he is far from alone in this. All the hip right-wing grifter pundits are pushing food buckets to their fan bases these days, warning them that they will come in handy during the apocalypse or for when they have to go into hiding from the jackbooted thugs dispatched by the New World Order to turn their children into drag queens. Or, for some of them, a race war.
"Nootropics," magical miracle drinking bleach, other kinds of miracle supplements, and gold investment schemes are to these people what Home Shopping Network and QVC product lines are to celebrities you kinda forgot about.
Bakker, however, has apparently been blissfully unaware of the fact that people make fun of him on the internet, until recently. You see, he went and checked out one of those newfangled social media sites, because he heard his show was on it, typed in his name and found that, in between clips of his show, there were people making fun of him — and not just him. His precious, precious food buckets. Which go for up to $4500 on his website.
He believes it's Satanic — though it is not clear whether it is Satanic because Satan wants people to make fun of Jim Bakker or because Satan doesn't want people to have access to Bakker's 30-day Mexican Fiesta bucket while he's trying to conduct an Armageddon. Could be both!
I do, however, like the idea that Satan is wasting time he could be using to encourage people to go homicidal or genocidal or to steal or lie or cheat to discourage others from buying overpriced dehydrated meals that are reportedly inedible and disgusting, for an apocalypse that is never actually going to happen.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse
