Joe Barton Is Going To Marry An Incandescent Lightbulb

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What does being the only man in Americato apologize to BP for this past summer's oil spill get you? Why, the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, of course! Joe Barton is still somehow the ranking Republican member of that committee, so he will probably get that job, even though his party has lots of reasons not to give it to him. Barton is hoping to do a good job as the energy chairman -- and that means making sure this country burns up as much energy resources as possible. That's why he's defending "traditional, incandescent light bulb" marriage against Americans who sinfully want to marry "the little, squiggly, pig-tailed ones."


ONE LIGHTBULB MUST WIN. WE CAN'T HAVE BOTH EXIST. THE EXISTENCE OF ENERGY-SAVING BULBS THREATENS THE SANCTITY OF THE OLD ONES.

(And really, what kind of man wants to stick his dick in anything but a broken incandescent bulb?)

What else comes under the purview of the energy committee? Health care, duh.

"Within the Energy and Commerce committee we are ground zero in the effort to reestablish conservative principles in the Congress and by extension in the country," Barton told the audience at Heritage today. Barton said the committee has primacy over health care reform, a power he intends to wield should he get control.

"I have advocated that we make Obamacare repeal House bill number one," Barton said. "It will be the first priority of the Energy and Commerce committee."

Joe Barton will beat back the Obama health care reforms and then bring in the insurance industry executives to apologize to them for briefly having to cover people who have actual serious medical conditions. [TPM]

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